Well, it’s not Vogue…but Victoria Beckham has landed herself another high profile magazine cover. Which means she’s probably given up on Anna Wintour, at least for another few months. Anna would never feature Posh so close after Harper’s Bazaar. Anna might not ever feature Posh… period.

As is the case with everything Posh applies herself to, the interview is highly entertaining. There’s never been any doubt: Posh has personality. This is why she needs her own reality tv show. If Rachel Zoe can have a reality tv show, why not Victoria Beckham?

As you’d expect, Mrs Beckham is still full of her own sh-t and lies. At the same time, she does have a sense of humour about herself…only it’s always about the same thing: her smile, or lack thereof, and her “character”. Becoming Victoria Beckham:

"I go into hair and makeup, and I turn into 'Victoria Beckham.' I'll try on all my dresses, and I'll pick out a handbag, and I'll put on the shades. I instantly turn into this person, and it sort of feels like a character. And there are so many pictures of it." Interesting choice of words, it. She shrugs. "But it's a true character because it's still me. I have started smiling," she announces brightly. "I've mastered this smirk; it's a smile that isn't a smile."

Posh also claims she’s not always in stilettos. In fact, she actually messes around the house in a tracksuit:

"I run around the house in a tracksuit sometimes!" she protests. What sort of tracksuit? "A fabulous one." When out and about, she always pulls a look together. "If I go to the supermarket looking like sh-t, that affects my work. I am selling an image. Plus, I have fun with it. "That's what this bruise is," Victoria says ruefully, pointing to a mark on an otherwise glossy leg. "I've fallen down playing bloody soccer (with my boys)."

And the girl who has mastered the art of one upping other girls also insists she’s a girl’s girl based solely on the fact that her closet is enormous:

"I'm such a girl's girl. I walk into my closet and go, 'Crikey!' To one day hand that down to another girl ..."

So what’s the status of LaLa Beckham? Posh says no plans to get pregnant right now.
"You get a little water retention; it's not news. Me, Katie, Eva (Longoria), and Kate (Beckinsale) always joke about how one of us is allegedly pregnant, but no, we're just a little bloated today! None of us is pregnant."

Please.

When have there been pregnancy rumours about Victoria Beckham? Hardly. How can there be pregnancy rumours when every day her stomach is more concave than ever? Which brings us to her body. The body she insists she takes care of because she’s “very disciplined”. By her definition this means cigarettes and starvation, although she claims she hits the gym nowadays:

"It's funny; I go to the gym now. I run four miles a day."

That’s funny. I go to the gym now too. I run like a mother-cker. And it makes me even hungrier. How does she fight the urge to eat? This is what I want to know.

All of it of course is part of her ongoing effort to establish herself as a legitimate dress designer. Apparently her line is doing very, very well, selling out, earning the respect of her fashion friends. Naturally, she felt the need to namedrop them through the course of the interview, somehow managing to inform the journalist that Marc Jacobs was coming over for lunch, and Christopher Bailey later in the week, and some big name stylists and photographers too.

Amazing.

As for Marc Jacobs, his description of her is brilliant. On the surface complimentary, underneath snarky like my good gay bitch:
"Her love for fashion goes way beyond just getting dressed. She is as meticulous in what she creates as she has been in her own self-creation."

Meticulous self creation.

Nothing is left to chance, you see, when it comes to Victoria Beckham. No one practises quite as hard as Victoria Beckham.

Look for example at this photo of her from the magazine, in a white dress leaning against the chair. See how her shoulders are cocked forward like that, elbows toward the camera? This maximum arm thinnification. It totally works. And she has spent years perfecting the move. Years.

To read the full Harper’s Bazaar article, click here.