Over £100,000 spent for Victoria’s birthday in Paris – jewels, shoes, clothes, bags all purchased on a shopping spree that had been previously arranged by David, including custom fit appointments at Christian Louboutin and Azzedine Alaia. And that was just the day time. Night time consisted of more extravagances in their suite at the Ritz and booking out the entire Guy Savoy restaurant so that his wife could sip water and stare at her food in peace.

Sigh.

Other than the cheating and the dim wits and the voice of a lizard, he really is perfect, non?

So here they are posed for display last night. Look at the way they’re coming down the stairs deliberately and perfectly spaced apart – bet your concrete tits they practice this for hours at home. For hours!!!

Thing is, I hate to admit it … but I think I would too. If I was wearing that dress for my birthday, married to that man, married to that man and that suit – check out the detail and the cut of that suit! – I think I would have to practice posing too.

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