You may assume looking at these photos of Victoria Beckham, dressed in a long black column, that she was just departing a gala. Perhaps a major awards show. A red carpet event.


Posh was in Manchester last night, out for dinner with friends before an appearance today at Harvey Nicks to launch her new fragrance. It was an upscale restaurant, sure, but even the highest end establishments don’t require floor-sweeping couture catsuits and Fred Leighton clanging on the china.

But this is what happens when you ask Posh out for dinner. She repays your kindness by upstaging you. She makes you feel like a beached whale by ordering steamed vegetables and eating only 3 pieces of broccoli while you wolf down 4 pieces of bread with butter, a warm beet and goat cheese salad, and a 6 oz piece of tenderloin grilled rare.

It is my life’s dream to eat in front of Victoria Beckham. To make her watch me.

Sorry, I digress.

From black to white – check out Posh today, promoting DVB with feathers at her back, jutting that leg out in her ridiculous pose. As usual, she looks contorted. As usual, she looks completely unnatural, effort straining every vein in her body, and so desperate to find that elusive angle that shaves off yet another five pounds. Poor thing practices every night in the mirror and still can’t find it.

Can it be found if it’s not there? Where could she lose five pounds from anyway?