Fireworks on the Croisette tonight – real ones and Pitty Porn styles too. It’s one of my favourites about Cannes: the firework display at 10:30pm followed by a rousing chorus of horns from all the surround ships in the harbour. Gives me goosebumps every time.

Just like Pitt Porn gives me quivers. Full Pitt Porn details coming when I sober up.

For now…

Pants are a problem. Not for Jake Gyllenhaal in this case but my beloved Victoria Beckham who was at Harrods today promoting DVB. Poor Posh hasn’t looked right in weeks. This appearance here isn’t as horrific as the Costume Institute Gala but it is still far from good.

Never mind the usual deformities like her head and her bones. This time it’s the trousers and the bell leg that completely hide her feet. Now I hate short pants as much as the next person but short pants aren’t unnatural. Short pants are just in bad taste. Bad taste isn’t necessarily a defect.

Missing feet however… missing feet are defects or war injuries. Victoria Beckham has never served in the military. And her defects exist in her head, not around her limbs.

These long pants are just dumb.

Wonder if she’s losing her mojo too like Mischa Barton. Word is she’s been extremely unhappy lately, perhaps disappointed that the momentum she built after moving to LA last year has flattened out like a fart. Does that even make sense? It sure does after too much rosé!

Photos from