The Walking Dead 2.2 recap

We begin with a pre-zombie flashback. Horrible Lorie maybe doesn’t love Rick anymore because he won’t fight with her. “Call me a bitch if I’m being a bitch,” she tells a friend. What do you mean IF? Stupid Shane shows up to tell Lori that Rick has been shot. Lori has to tell Carl. Carl is a terrible actor.

Cut to the present day. Officer Rick, holding Carl, is running through a field with Shane and some fat hunter. The fat hunter shot Carl. We’re about six months into the zombie apocalypse. How are people still fat?

They arrive at a picturesque farmhouse in rural Georgia. Everyone who lives here will turn out to be a cannibal or an eyeball rapist or something.

The farmhouse people (possible cannibals) have medical supplies. To clean up after the eyeball rapes?

For one second, Stupid Shane remembers he’s supposed to be Rick’s best friend and comforts him as the cannibal farm people work on Carl.

NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SOPHIA HADN’T RUN AWAY. She deserves to be eaten by a zombie.

“We’re gonna locate that little girl, and she’s gonna be fine,” Daryl says. “Then I’m gonna smack the sh*t out of her for being a not-listening reckless piece of zombie bait,” is what he should have said next.

Dale and T-Dog are looking for medical supplies in the abandoned cars. They comment on not finding anything. Probably because the cannibals have already scavenged the highway after an eyeball orgy.

Rick conveniently has Carl’s blood type and can donate during Carl’s emergency surgery. The head farmhouse person, Herchel, obviously has some medical training as he operates on Carl. He was probably a doctor before the zombie apocalypse arrived and allowed him to realize his dreams of becoming an eyeball-raping cannibal.

(All references to eyeball-raping cannibals are of my own invention and have no bearing on where this farmhouse situation is going based on the comics. Don’t yell at me for spoilers.)

Carl has multiple bullet fragments in his stomach and he’s bleeding internally. Herchel needs equipment like a respirator in order to save Carl. The farmhouse cannibals want to ransack the FEMA shelter at the high school for supplies. The fat cannibal (this is why he’s still fat!) who shot Carl is named Otis.

Midway point: Rick’s group is looking for the still-MIA Sophia, Otis The Fat Cannibal and Stupid Shane are headed to the high school on a scavenger hunt, and Rick is at the farm with Granddaddy Cannibal Herchel and his cannibal family.

Important note for those not watching: AMC is advertising the hell out of Hell On Wheels, an upcoming drama set in the Old West that appears to be about a man revenging his dead wife. It looks AWESOME and is getting really good buzz.

This episode feels a bit slow. I am convinced all this pontificating-about-our-humanity is due to the network execs not understanding that we don’t need everyone’s feelings spoon-fed to us constantly in order to stay interested. Stupid Shane saying, “Man it’s turned into a strange day,” and Otis The Fat Cannibal responding, “Didn’t it though,” is actually more effective.

I love that Dale just assumes Glenn plays the guitar. Based on what?

It’s T-Dog’s turn to pontificate. He thinks he’s doomed because there are two “good ole boy sheriffs” in charge and Daryl might want to get him back for Merle’s one-handed predicament. T-Dog might as well be saying, “I’m the only black dude and we’ve all seen how that goes in horror movies.” Dale is like, “What’s wrong with you,” which is astute. Turns out, T-Dog is super infected from his wound and is delirious with fever.

Daryl might be a slightly-less-racist asshole, but he has some nice big guns. Developing a Norman Reedus crush.

Andrea is still useless. Girl, get with it.

One of the farm cannibals rides in (literally on horseback, which—why haven’t they eaten their horses yet? BECAUSE THEY’RE EATING EACH OTHER) and takes Lori back to the farm of doom. I love the offhanded way Daryl kills a zombie to end this scene.

Herchel’s wife and stepson were lost in the zombie apocalypse. Or, he ate them. You know. Same difference.

Herchel is waiting for a cure. Rick informs him of the CDC’s destruction. Herchel still thinks there will be a cure and compares the zombie plague to AIDS. Rick is like, “Yeah, not the same.” Herchel thinks the zombie plague is nature correcting itself.

Carl does his best acting while unconscious.

Herchel was a veterinarian. Rick and Lori do not take this well as he’s about to do serious surgery on their kid.

The remaining survivors on the highway decide to split up: Dale, Daryl and Andrea stay with the RV and look for Sophia while Glenn, Carol and T-Dog go to the farm, since T-Dog is about to die and all. Turns out, Daryl’s been sitting on his brother’s stash of drugs all this time and has convenient painkillers and antibiotics for T-Dog. Way to suck all the urgency out of the scene.

Stupid Shane and Otis The Fat Cannibal arrive at the high school with zombies everywhere. Shane uses convenient flares in a convenient cop car to distract the zombies. This is just way too…convenient. Remember in season 1 when Rick and Glenn had to cover themselves with zombie guts in order to escape and even that didn’t work? Where is that sense of desperation and “everything is awful” this season? Less pontificating, more struggle to survive, please.

The guys alert the zombie horde to their presence. Finally, some action. They end up trapped in the high school. The episode ends with a close-up on the screw that is holding the gate closed, keeping the zombies out of the high school.

Status check:
Officer Rick – Half-dead from excessive blood transfusions for Carl.
Horrible Lori – Actually kind of sympathetic.
Stupid Shane – Trapped in the high school with Otis The Fat Cannibal.
Herchel – Leader of the Farm of Doom, probably a cannibal.
Andrea – Still not fun.
Sophia – Zombie bait.
Carl – Dying.

Worst thing seen/heard this episode: Carl’s emergency surgery.

Zombie kill of the week: Maggie on the horse with the baseball bat.