Check out Kate Winslet arriving in San Francisco on Friday with her new boyfriend Ned ROCKNROLL. Yes, as already noted, that is his name. It is his REAL NAME. It is not like a costume that he can take off, a goofy Halloween gag or a temporary tattoo.

No.

That dude was born Abel Smith. Perfectly nice name, Abel Smith, non?

Abel Smith went to the government offices one day and filled out a form. On that form, he formally requested to have his name changed from Abel Smith to NED ROCKNROLL.

He FILLED OUT A FORM!!!!

I just...

I’m sorry. But you’ll never, EVER convince me that a man who asks people to call him NED ROCKNROLL is someone I could be friends with, let alone get hard for. No doubt I’ll get an email today from someone who “dances when no one is looking” and seizes the day every day admonishing me for not, I dunno, embracing Ned’s rocknroll whimsy, and how sad that must be, that I can’t appreciate the silliness and frivolity of life.

That’s true. I don’t condone f-cking around with one’s name. It’s terrible feng shui. He changed his name and his wife didn’t want to be married to him anymore. How’s that for inviting the bad sh-t up into your life?

When a man changes his name to Ned Rocknroll, it can only  mean one thing - he’s a f-cking loser. And Kate Winslet’s with him. What are you doing???