The UK’s Sunday Mirror is the original source for this story so... it might be kinda sketch. The reason why so many find it believable though is all about Demi Moore. Doesn’t it seem totally possible and probable that Demi Moore would take back Ashton Kutcher? Given what you know about Demi Moore and the impossible standards she could never release, no matter how much spiritual therapy she received, how could you doubt it? This report has legs because it’s exactly what you expect of her.

Kabbalah Rabbi Yehuda Berg, who married Ashton and Demi, celebrated his 40th birthday the other day. Both were at the party. According to the Sunday Mirror, Ashton became rather emotional while delivering his speech, almost breaking down:

“I’ve made all these horrible mistakes in the last year.”

Well there’s a fine way to honour a man, non?

It’s someone else’s celebration and Ashton makes it all about Ashton. Happy Birthday!

So Demi sees Ashton falling apart and somehow they find themselves alone and they share a long, loooong hug and she looks up at him like “a love-sick puppy” and now supposedly they’re trying to work their way back to each other.

That way his life can be totally, totally perfect. He signs a mega million dollar deal to return to Two And A Half Men. He gets to hit as much young, skank ass as he wants, and ultimately his wife will STILL want him at home.

There. Let that be the lesson you teach your kids: this is a world without consequence, and it belongs to the dishonourable; dignity is for losers.

As for Demi? Well Demi will do what Demi does best. Demi will rationalise. She will justify. And she will be enabled by her faith. “True enlightenment can only be achieved through Forgiveness. It is the greatest gift we can give each other. We are only truly free when we can forgive.”

Wait for it.

Because if this is what’s really going down, if she and Ashton really are reconciling, that’s what you’ll be hearing eventually: Demi is better than you because she found a way to forgive him.


But where I grew up, the Land Of Forgiveness was a meritocracy. Admission was earned. It wasn’t distributed on the basis of how badly the victim wanted desperately not to age and as a way to quell her self-loathing and insecurity.