Is damn fine. Look at that skin!

Will Smith celebrated his 40th birthday yesterday and was joined by family at his son Trey’s football game. Do you see Carlton?

It’s Carlton!

Will shares his birthday with Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas… which has always had me wondering about the science of astrology. Like where’s the common ground? Unless there are more specifics? Like day of the week, time of birth, male or female, parents’ information?

Chinese fortune telling requires all those components. And more. Every year my mother computes my horoscope. Every year it takes days to figure out, and she breaks it down month by month, issue by issue, relationship by relationship. Every year it’s pretty much the same: save your money, think before you act, don’t do anything without getting mommy’s approval, buy mommy nice things. For real.

I’m expected to call her on my birthday to thank her for giving me life. All week I’ve been saying to myself – you’re 35. You can break this. Don’t do it. Wait for her to call you.

It’s 7:30am and already I can’t stand it. Because I know she’ll cook up a catastrophe for me if I don’t give in soon. She’s probably so confident that I’ll give in soon that she’ll let my call go to voice mail, just to f&ck with me. Just to make me keep calling so that I can talk to her in person, taking up my entire day, obsessed with showing my gratitude, and that’s when she’ll hit me up for something extravagant.

Last week she already demanded that I start paying for her Chinese opera classes. I told her I would on the condition that I never have to come to the performances. Have you ever heard Chinese opera? Think of every mammal mating call on the planet mashed up together accompanied by random percussion sounds that go off without explanation. And a dash of David Beckham’s voice on top. Multiply by 100.

If you don’t believe me, see below.

Now picture my tone deaf mother who sounds like a Squawking Chicken playing the part of the male. The male is the one without the fluffy balls on his head.

Would you want to sit through this? She'll make me if I'm not careful.

What’s my point?

I have to call my mother. And if were playing my favourite Photo Assumption game, drawing conclusions based on nothing but a picture, I’d say that Will and Carlton were lovers.

Be back soon.

Photos from