Here’s a brief recap of Johnny Depp’s 2012:

Third week of January, PEOPLE Magazine boldly announces on its cover story, several months ahead of everyone else, that Johnny and Vanessa Paradis are done. Some speculate that he’s already seeing Amber Heard. Others suspect that it’s his publicist, Robin Baum. Vanessa publicly denounces the rumours.

A month later, production is pushed back a few weeks on Lone Ranger so that Johnny can deal with his “personal life”, supposedly costing the studio $4 million.

In March, IN TOUCH Weekly reports that Johnny’s been seen sneaking in and out of Ashley Olsen’s NYC apartment. Doesn’t matter if the details were sketchy -- he was linked with AN OLSEN. Get your sh-t together.

During Dark Shadows press in May, Johnny finally, but not convincingly, admits that he and Vanessa are fine, insisting “the rumours aren’t true”. Dark Shadows ends up a critical and commercial disappointment -- in other words, professionally it was a sh-t year for him too.

But as Johnny’s claiming his relationship is solid, he and Vanessa remain apart, even as she’s honoured at a film festival in June, he doesn’t show. A week after that, conceding that it was beyond salvaging, Johnny’s rep confirms that they’ve separated amicably.  He was said to be spending a lot of time with Amber Heard, and sleeping over a lot after jam sessions at Marilyn Manson’s. Some sources even suggested that he was getting too liberal with his drink...

So Team Johnny went on damage control, leaking information on their side to make Vanessa look like a nagging French c-nt who was never happy, never satisfied, and resentful of his success. Click here for a refresher on how Johnny Depp, in order to save his own reputation, seemed willing to let the mother of his children eat sh-t. Meanwhile his connection to Amber Heard continued to progress, allegedly. They’re seen groping each other in a super VIP area at a club in November.

And then, there’s his appearance checklist:

  • 18 necklaces
  • 18 scarves: they frame the face and the hang off his pants and sometimes he just holds them in his hand
  • several bangles and bracelets
  • at least half a dozen rings
  • sometimes a wallet chain, sometimes a feather
  • earrings
  • shoulder pads


Apart from the gay thing, it’s a little John Travolta Try, non? And exhausting. I am exhausted for him. So it’s good that 2012 is over. Please Johnny come back in 2013.