Dear Gossips,

Our site manager, Emily, is on holiday. This is very hard for me because 1. She picks the best pictures to go with our posts and 2. Jacek is posting while she’s away and… well… he just doesn’t have her gift with gossipy photo selection. 

Anyway, Emily and her girlfriend, Kaitlyn, are spending their time off in Iceland. They flew last night and she was texting me from the plane. First because some f-ckwit had their feet propped up on the window ledge behind her like a goddamn animal and then because she and Kaitlyn witnessed an in-flight romance. Two people met on board and arranged with other passengers to have their seats moved so that they could sit together and they ended up sitting across the aisle from Em and Kait. They got to know each other over seven drinks or so. It was sweet for a while. They held hands and took selfies. 

Five hours later he had his arm under her and she was gyrating. As Emily put it, she was “aggressively moving her hips”. To be clear then, he was fingering her. So Kait leaned over and told them they were disgusting – at which point the woman looked a bit embarrassed and the dude retorted that Kaitlyn was “just jealous”. I’m DYING right now, by the way, over Em’s texts. Like living off every word. 

The horny couple stopped for a while and then resumed when they thought it was safe. Eventually he brought his hand back out from her pleasure spot and lifted it up to her face; also he didn’t wash his hands and touched all kinds of sh-t afterwards so that’s your PSA: bring wipes on board and disinfect your surroundings. Jacek is on this text thread too and when Em got to the part about the dude putting his fingers in the woman’s face, he was like, OMG, why? To smell? Emily’s response: “I don’t know what straight people do”. LOLOLOLOLOL

Anyway, my reaction to all of this, if it’s not obvious, was FOMO. I was like, “F-ck! Why does this never happen to me!” (Not the fingering on a plane part, but the being there for it.) So I’ve been polling my friends: would you have wanted to be on this flight? Since I only hang out with scandal whores, naturally most of them were like 100%. Duana, of course, had to get scientific about it and obsess over why they didn’t go the full mile high experience and do it in the bathroom. My answer to that is that doing it in a space where thousands of people have pissed and sh-t is probably a buzzkill. 

Back to my question though: what kind of a person are you? Are you the kind who’s down to witness the flight sex or the kind who does not want to be anywhere near the flight sex? 

There is, by the way, a whole list of celebrities who have admitted to flight sex. Including Chrissy Teigen who told Cosmo in 2014 that:

"[John Legend and I] were on our way to Thailand to see my parents, flying commercial first-class. We were under a blanket. We weren't even in one of those pod things. I feel like we should get a trophy for that."

Yours in gossip,