Gerard Butler in Angel Has Fallen

Sarah Posted by Sarah at August 23, 2019 20:03:55 August 23, 2019 20:03:55

Gerard Butler—who is basically Jason Statham without the charm, or Chuck Norris with a Scottish accent—makes a certain kind movie. His movies are dependably bad, his performances are reliably wooden, he never has chemistry with anyone on screen. His movies always feature some combination of the following:

Gerard Butler is THE BEST!
Disdain for science/nerds/higher education
Pro-military
Gerard Butler doesn’t take orders, HE GIVES THEM
Borderline homoeroticism

You can set clocks by the Gerard Butler Checklist, his formula is so reliable.  His latest movie is Angel Has Fallen, the final movie in his improbable “Has Fallen” trilogy, in which he plays a Secret Service agent, but like, THE BEST Secret Service agent that has ever or will ever live. This character has a name but as always, it doesn’t matter because Gerard Butler always plays “Gerard Butler”. In this trilogy the White House has fallen, London has fallen, and now Gerald Butler himself is fallen, as he is framed for an assassination attempt on President Morgan Freeman. I will now answer some questions about Angel Has Fallen.

Is the title of the movie spoken as dialogue in the movie?

Yes, the script bends over backwards to get the title into dialogue, despite this being a sequence of words no one would ever actually say out loud.

Is Secret Service Agent Gerard Butler THE BEST?

Yes, Secret Service Agent Gerard Butler is THE BEST. He is so THE BEST he is in line to run the whole Secret Service despite having no visible administerial qualifications or skills. He is so THE BEST he is famous for being a Secret Service agent, which sort of defeats the purpose. However, while Agent Gerard Butler is THE BEST, Angel Has Fallen also shows the toll being a top agent has taken on him. Besides PTSD, Agent Gerard Butler is also dealing with symptoms of traumatic brain injury. This movie actually reckons with the physical toll taken out of action heroes. 

Oh cool, does that mean the fight scenes account for his physical weakness?

LOL no, he just pops pills in between action scenes.

Is a character ridiculed for being smart?

Actually, no. Diverging from his own standard of relentlessly mocking nerds and scientists, Angel Has Fallen has a neutral opinion on smart people. 

How pro-military is it?

Very pro-military, though the role of private contractors in war is portrayed as deleterious. 

How homoerotic is it?

Not very. Agent Gerard Butler spends most of his time running around with his dad (Nick Nolte). 

Does Gerard Butler give orders?

Yes! Even when other characters can be expected to know more in a given situation, Agent Gerard Butler is there to tell everyone what to do!

Is this movie as racist/xenophobic as the other two?

Thankfully, no. Angel Has Fallen is definitely a “the call is coming from inside the house” scenario. In fact, this movie takes a couple surprising swipes at the current administration. 

Which is a better use of my time, watching this movie or re-watching any John Wick?

John Wick for sure.

Is Angel Has Fallen funny, unintentionally or deliberately?

Not really. There is an over-the-top action sequence involving Nick Nolte that is kind of funny, but Gerard Bulter has the Vin Diesel problem of taking himself too seriously to hit the right tone for dumb-fun action. A movie has to be completely f-cking bonkers, like Geostorm, before Butler gets in on the joke. 

Is there any value to Angel Has Fallen at all?

“Value” is a relative term. It’s the best of the “Has Fallen” movies, but that’s like being the toughest poodle. 

Why does Gerard Butler get to keep making movies like this when Atomic Blonde still doesn’t have a sequel?

The universe takes no notice of humanity. Our will matters not, our hopes and dreams are but ash to the cosmos. We are born, we suffer, we die. In the midst of our meager existence, Gerard Butler gets to make sh-tty soft-core military porn and Atomic Blonde has no sequel. This injustice goes unchallenged, for the night is dark, long, and cold. 

Jesus, it’s just a movie.

Have you seen ALL THREE “Has Fallen” movies? I have. I have glimpsed into the abyss. I have seen horrors.

So, you’re saying I should skip it?

If you HAVE to watch a “Has Fallen” movie, watch this one. It’s the least likely to make you want to claw your soul from your very body and leave this plane of existence.

Just tell me if it’s good or not.

No, it is not good.

 

Photos:
Alexander Tamargo/ Getty Images