Every year at around this time, The Social does a year-end gossip special. I am knee-deep in recap lists and conversations about who hooked up, who broke up and who made the most headlines in 2017. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis did not hook up or break up in 2017. They are one of the celebrity couples who (so far) have survived another year. Ashton and Mila are not one of the couples I hold my breath for. For Maria, it’s The Beckhams. For Lainey, it’s her Obsession. For me, it’s The Obamas and The Knowles-Carters. Are the Kunis-Kutchers the couple you couldn’t bear to see break up? I don’t think I’d care if they did.
I care about Mila Kunis individually but there are few celebrities I care less about than Ashton Kutcher. Ashton brings this couple down from “Awww!” to “Meh.” Here they are at the Breakthrough Prize Awards. According to PEOPLE, they were giggling and holding hands down the red carpet. Meh.
I am trying to care about Mila’s Dolce & Gabbana dress at least. It’s fine, I guess. Hey, here’s something I care about: her eyebrows. If we were still saying “on fleek”, I’d say that these brows were ON FLEEK. Some days, my eyebrows cooperate. Other days, one is darker than the other and one is thicker than the other. I’m bad at doing my eyebrows. Please send me your best brow tutorial videos.
Should I stop being an asshole about Mila and Ashton? This couple is together and seems really happy. They don’t do red carpets often and they showed up for the cameras. Inside the event, they presented awards to people honoured for their achievements in physics, life sciences and mathematics. If you’re a scientist, are you nerding out that Jackie and Kelso presented you with an award? Is this really random? Anyway, if we’re playing Photo Assumption, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are going into the holidays solid. Should I stop being a Scrooge, admit that they look cute together and move on?