I don’t know what Ashton Kutcher is currently promoting. The Ranch? Maybe The Ranch. Doesn’t matter. The point is he’s been doing some press. And Howard Stern was part of the press tour. You know what happens when you agree to do Howard Stern. When a celebrity agrees to go be on Howard Stern, it means they’re down for the personal questions. But Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are SO private.

So Howard asks about their relationship and how it started. They met, of course, when he was 19 and she was 14 on That 70s Show. And then later on, when they were both single, he invited her to a party to introduce her to another guy, only they ended up hooking up instead. Here’s the audio for that part:

They went home together that night. So now we know about the first time they kissed AND the first time they f-cked. Privacy!

You know what this story made me think about though? Kissing and smoking. As Ashton says, that night he was shotgunning cigarette smoke into her mouth. I smoked cigarettes for years. I hung out with mostly smokers back then. So most of my kisses (probably all of my first kisses) were smoke kisses. And now all of you who’ve never smoked – and some of you who have smoked – are like… gross. You know what’s grosser?

I don’t remember it being gross. I remember the people I kissed being gross (most of the people I’ve kissed were gross) but it wasn’t the smoking that made them gross, it was just them, they were gross. Is it weird that I never minded smoke breath but I hate weed breath?