Well, I guess this is the trend now – once a week, the British royals, Kensington Palace in particular, can be depended on to make us smash our heads against the wall in frustration with their incompetence. How is it that a family with this much access, this many resources, this much f-cking history keeps fumbling over and over and over again?!


A week ago the entire internet was screaming over the “Kill Notification” and that embarrassing photo of Princess Kate and her children that had been so badly altered, news agencies rejected it and declared Kensington Palace not a trusted source.


After several days of worldwide speculation about Kate and her whereabouts, with mainstream American media addressing rumours of Prince William’s infidelity and all kinds of chaos, and an assist from Meghan Markle who decided to announce her candidacy as the new Christian Girl Autumn six months before autumn, the geniuses at Kensington Palace thought that the best way to assure people that Kate is fine was to send her and William out to pick up some produce at a local farm shop not far from where they live. 

The problem? 

It was reported by the UK Sun with onlookers telling the publication that Kate looked “happy, relaxed, and healthy” and …that’s it. The witnesses were not named. As far as I can see, they did not speak on camera, even though the Sun has released video version of their report. But, really, there are no visuals at all. It is 2024, phones are practically growing out of our bodies, and somehow the world’s most high profile missing person went to the farmer’s market and nobody, not one person, was able to sneak a photo but instead used their phones to CALL A TABLOID AND VERBALLY CONVEY THE NEWS?!??????


I am shouting because THIS.IS.ABSURD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On top of all that dumbassery, the Sun then ran old photos to accompany their story which, considering how many conspiracy theories are flying around, has only amplified, yet again!, an already nuclear situation. 

Who actually thought that this would actually fix it? We’ve gone from a very problematic and altered photo to NO photo at all – and they expected TikTok to be satisfied? Some might argue that there is no satisfying a thirsty mob and this is true, but if that’s the case, then why bother with a half-ass attempt? Just stay home! Do not engage! 

But if you do engage, THIS IS NOT IT. 


They’ve just added another layer to the conspiracy, now a living, breathing unpredictable insatiable thing that is growing more aggressive with its demands. Like at this point, with all these horribly backfired moves, these f-cking royal idiots have basically set it up so that the only option for Kate is an OnlyFans livestream.

Which brings us to this morning and if you’ve been on social media, you would have seen that “#Royal Announcement” is blowing up. It’s fake, there is no imminent royal announcement, but thousands of social media users were led to believe from a doctored image of royal letterhead that Buckingham Palace is set to make some kind of announcement and that BBC is currently on high alert. So now there are a lot of people thinking that King Charles has died even though he is very much alive. 

Mess on mess on mess on mess on mess. 


Sure, part of this is just the internet’s usual f-ckery and poor social media hygiene. But much of this has to do with the fact that the British royal institution has lost so much public trust, has bungled so many recent plays, has been so f-cking amateur hour with their communications, that they no longer have any control of their own narrative and their own image. 

We are beyond crisis now. This is catastrophic. There are people out on these streets doing CSI on the hunt for Kate Waldo. Now they’re on royal standard watch, waiting to see if the flag will be lowered – in other words anticipating the death of the monarch whose coronation just happened less than a year ago. This is the opposite of strength and stability. 

And even though everybody’s now looking ahead to Easter for Kate’s big resurrection, which is not for another ten days, and God knows how much more disaster these royals will invite into their house between now and then, the pressure they’ve just inflicted on themselves, and the awful level of scrutiny that’s forthcoming – are they prepared? Do they have the right people who can come up with the right strategy to even begin to stop them from sinking any deeper into an abyss from which they may never recover? For the millionth time, what is going on over there, seriously? And, um, how can we help? At this point it feels like volunteer services are required. 

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