Mahomes Family “Announces” Third Child’s Name

Of course I understand why Lainey asked me to write about the Mahomes family’s baby names following the announcement of their third child’s name yesterday. What I don’t understand is why a headline I read when I was looking to verify details read:

“Mahomes Family Baby Names Explained!”

Explained?  What explanation do we need, exactly? They had a daughter, Sterling, a son, (officially Patrick, but really named) Bronze, and now a daughter, Golden. Where is the mystery that needs to be unpacked here? They have two children named more or less directly for medal metals, and now their newest daughter is, well, an adjective. 

Sorry to be so bald about it! But at their most utilitarian, names are labels for people, places, things – nouns, essentially. “Bronze” is a noun. “Sterling” sort of is, if you think about the British currency (not that I have a working knowledge of when it’s called ‘pounds’ vs. ‘pounds Sterling’ – please feel free to educate me!). But Golden is a descriptor… an adjective, at best. You can tell, because even her parents used it that way – her middle name is Raye, making her given names the extra cutesy ‘Golden Raye’ – i.e. describing the shade/colour of the ray, you know? 

So. Parts of speech aside, I can’t say I can complain about this name. That is, I would never use it, and I think overtly associating your kids with medals that are necessarily ranked is absolutely crazy, but since they’re going down that path, I’m glad they completed the trifecta as opposed to, say, Sterling, Bronze, and Emily – leaving the possibility of a Golden later on? If you’re going to use an absurd naming theme, at least commit to it all the way.

Sidebar: this is also de-facto family planning, right? It’s none of my business, but they’re done with three, I would assume – if for no other reason than a theoretical Copper or Platinum wouldn’t fit in this tidy lineup…

…and with that, I’ve issued a challenge, I fear. Somewhere in the Mahomes family, a browser just opened to a search of “other precious metals”…standing by.