Cardi B confirmed just before the holidays that she and Offset had broken up, again. It had been weeks since they were seen together and she finally confirmed it on social media. Her mood, initially, was upbeat. She sounded like she was ready for her single era, she sounded at peace with the decision. 


After so many years together, while she was so young and coming into her fame, it made sense for her to go deeper into her 30s without the love of her 20s. 


Then it was announced that they were both performing on NYE and at the same hotel in Miami – which is why I wrote at the time that she hadn’t quit him yet. And probably wouldn’t quit him by the start of 2024. 


So even though she spent the last moments of 2023 arguing with people in the comments, insisting that she and Offset weren’t back together even though they were basically together the through the entirety of the holiday season… I won’t finish that thought. 

You can hear it straight from her:


I mean… I get it. On multiple levels. Like if you’re into dick and there is available dick on NYE, sometimes you can’t help but take the dick, even if it’s not fresh dick. Especially if it’s not fresh dick. How many of us have found ourselves in that position, on December 31, all like, OK fine, it’s there, it’s familiar, whatever. New Year’s Eve makes us stupid, it’s basically science at this point.

But also, it’s the holidays in general when our brains get all fuzzy. Cardi and Offset have two children, of course they were going to be seeing a lot of each other during the holidays, and caught up in the warm and fuzzies, the stench of the underlying problems between them temporarily covered up by the magic dust of the season. 

When January kicks in though… it kicks in like a bitch. January is a f-ck of a month and New Year’s dick gets dull real fast. Cardi is insisting that getting dicked down doesn’t mean she and Offset have not reconciled, but that they are in therapy – which is probably a better way to start off the year than with dick.