Celebrity Social Media, Renner Edition - September 5, 2019

Maria Posted by Maria at September 5, 2019 17:14:51 September 5, 2019 17:14:51

Usually this space is reserved for a light dissection of celebrity social media activity. But we cannot ignore the current of anguish, confusion, disbelief, heartache... and more confusion ... that has overtaken social media. Where were you when you heard about the cancellation of Jeremy Renner’s app? It has struck social media hard, as distraught fans and wellwishers work through the questions haunting all of us. Who? Why? But seriously, huh?

Today, we are taking the unprecedented step of dedicating this entire post to Jeremy Renner’s app, cleverly called the Jeremy Renner app.

Where to start but the beginning, a post of mine that is two years old that marked the announcement of the project. Were we ever so young?

 

But to really, truly understand the heart of the matter, dig into Katie Knibbs’ now-definitive piece on the pain of passion of the Rennerinos. 

 

Heaven don’t have a name and apps probably can’t go to heaven but if they could, Jeremy Renner’s app would be there watching his music video on a loop. 

 

 

This brave soul accidentally spent $99.99 on stars, which probably covered operating costs for 3 months. Not all heroes wear capes (or get a standalone Marvel movie). 

Much like the Jeremy Renner app, I don’t exactly know what White Claw is, but the Rennerinos can pour one out tonight.

What is causing so much pain is that it was truly a community of likeminded individuals who love Jeep commercials and soft rock. What about those people? Where will they go now?

 

 

Sometimes, being too cool and too popular can have its downside. A YouTube channel discovered the app (watch the video here) and then accidentally destroyed it. As we know, millennials are destroying everything from “Merry Christmas” to avocados to the sanctity of places where we defecate to the blood diamond industry, and now they’ve ruined this, too. Typical!

 

We know Jeremy is hurting right now because look at this font. It’s chaotic and full of emotion. Almost as if it’s from Jeremy’s own quill. 

 

The app “literally” jumped the shark, according to Jeremy. Can our minds even grasp what an accomplishment it is for a mobile application to strap on water skis and go out onto the water and jump over a large and dangerous fish? Because it literally did that.

Part of the issue is that certain “people” were impersonating Jeremy Renner. You would think the developers could just block anyone trying to use the username Jeremy Renner, but no! That is censorship. Not in Jeremy’s America. If someone wants to cosplay as (checks notes) Casey Anthony, well, um, who is he to stop it (on his own app). 

 

Only the good apps die young. 

Ashes to ashes, algorithms to algorithms.
renner-embed-05sept19.jpg

Greenlight this film, you cowards. 


 

Photos:
Alberto E. Rodriguez/ Getty Images

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