Last night Celine Dion performed in London. There’s a rumour that Adele visited her before the show and that they’re now trying to figure out a way to work together. IF THERE IS A GOD PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
Anyway, The Guardian reviewed Celine’s concert today, calling it “goofy, note-perfect schmaltz [that] goes beyond cool”. Yes. That’s what Celine is in 2017 – more than cool, cool-plus. Plus what? Plus FEELING! Because the ultimate cool is not giving a sh-t about being cool, having such a good time, laughing so hard you stop caring – about anything. I’m laughing right now at some of the descriptions in this article about her performance. Here are a couple of highlights:
Tonight, The Power of Love, All By Myself and I Drove All Night are joined by versions of Michael Jackson’s Black or White and Love of My Life by Queen, from whose late frontman Dion seems to have adopted the habit of playing air-guitar solos using her microphone stand.
You know why this is funny. It’s funny because you can picture it. You can totally picture Celine playing air guitar with her mic stand, probably while wearing a really elaborate gown. That’s why she’s the f-cking best.
Her music ploughs down the middle of the road without a care: when, at one authentically baffling moment, she concludes a song by throwing the devil horns, you’re struck by the sense you’re watching the least likely artist in history to flash the internationally recognised hand signal for heavy metal. And that’s clearly how her fans like her. “I need to talk to my people,” she says, as another lengthy between-song monologue commences. “Are you my people?” The audience roar in the affirmative, and it’s clear they neither know nor care whether their idol has been critically reappraised or not.
Yes, Celine. I am your people. And as a member of her people, I appreciate Celine Dion’s devil horns, precisely because they’re “authentically baffling”. Does it make sense? To throw up the devil horns after My Heart Will Go On? F-ck no! Does it matter? F-CK. NEVER.
Celine is currently touring Europe. I don’t know if she’ll end up touring North America. She has a residency in Vegas. You don’t typically do both. I’ve never seen her show in Vegas – and this is, obviously, a life problem. Until I can get there though, I’m living through her daily European runway. These outfits. THIS outfit:
And also, the all-animal print jumpsuit? The pants are drop crotch with saddle pockets. And she is wearing the goddamn f-cking sh-t out of it! Elvis would have loved this outfit. He would have turned it into an entire bed.