Dear Gossips,

A clever “choose your own adventure” Beyoncé thread went viral on Twitter this weekend. Thanks to all of you who thought of me. This is a true compliment. Of course I made it to the end on my first try. This is my dream job and I’m available ASAP, no joke. I would quit EVERYTHING to work for Beyoncé. Every day I wake up and hope to get the call: 

Some of you were stumped on the “West family” or “Motel 6” option. She’s Beyoncé, you thought, and why would Beyoncé ever go near a Motel 6. Beyoncé is five diamond everything. Well. Beyoncé’s already namechecked Red Lobster in one of her most famous songs. She always tells us she’s still country. Of course she could make a Motel 6 work, especially if it means not having to hang out with Kanye West and his wife and her family – because she can lock the Motel 6 down. She knows she could never lock those Kardashians down. They would let out all her business.

My favourite question is a few steps after, when Beyoncé asks you about lighting – blue or white? That, according to my messages, also messed up a few of you. You would know, though, if you remember the video below, one of my favourites. This is early B. She’s already making notes and telling people how to do their jobs.  


Congratulations to CORNYASSBITCH who came up with one of the most creative, informed, and rewarding uses of Twitter of all time. Twitter should give this person some shares for showcasing their platform’s benefit to humanity, instead of the trash that so often happens there. 

Yours in gossip,