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Is it because I hate babies?

Did you read the Maclean’s article?

You are a virile man, hell yes. You have proven your fertility to us before. And it’s wonderful to know that your young son is doing well. No doubt you could have sired an army by now. I shouldn’t be surprised by this, I really shouldn’t…

After all, you’ve been seeing Alicja Bachleda-Curus for some time now. She’s very beautiful. My Polish mother-in-law would agree. Mostly because she’s Polish. And now you’ve been spotted together arriving at Heathrow with a bump.

Normally I hate BumpWatch. But it’s not BumpWatch that’s tingling my smutty senses, no…

It’s your smile.

You look happy.

You are not scowling at the paps.

You are relaxed and she is glowing.

You are expecting a baby, something I would never give you.

Congratulations. I know you are excited, and I am excited for you.

Actually, not really.

It’s great news, for sure.

But babies don’t excite me.

Sex tapes excite me.

Remember your sex tape?

You don’t want me to bring this up. That part of your life is over, you don’t think it’s not something to be proud of.

Just to clarify – you’re not proud of it getting out, right? You’re still proud of, um, what you do? Because no woman would ever want you to stop what you do. Morning, noon, and night. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I don’t know Alicja, but I’m sure she would agree.

Wishing you a smooth pregnancy and a perfect healthy child.

I love you. I just don’t want to be a mother.

Lainey

More photos at source.

Thanks Izabela!

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