I am a garden-variety internet addict who loves clothing and spectacle, so during or after an awards show, I obviously search obsessively to find out who designed the outfits I love (or despise). I used to be better at the ‘I can guess that designer just by looking at it’ game, but that was in the mid-2000s, when red carpets were reliably covered in Valentino, Dior, Prada, Chanel… maybe some Gucci and the occasional Louis Vuitton. Things are way more interesting now. However…

Confession Number One: I generally never care about the jewelry, because it seems like red carpet jewels are still on a six-ish brand rotation: Chopard, Bulgari, Cartier, Harry Winston, Lorraine Schwartz, Neil Lane, repeat. Call me a yokel, but at a certain point, all diamond necklaces that cost as much as some family homes look the same, right? 

This is in direct conflict with Confession Number Two:

I love piercings. I LOVE piercings. In first year university when everyone was drunk on too much freedom, and also on alcohol, and got ill-advised tattoos, I got ill-advised piercings that looked so cool, even though they got infected or the little ball fell out or whatever. (Predictably, I also thrilled every time my father reacted in horror to a new one.  “Duana! How many holes now you are going to put in your face?”) I let them fall by the wayside as they fell out, but in recent years, I’m right back in the game. I obsess over pricy, tiny pieces from places like BVLA or Maria Tash, and yes, I’m working on my ‘curated ears’. 

So even though there’s a conversation to be had about Scarlett Johansson’s legitimately great performance in Marriage Story maybe looking too easy, so she might lose out to other more ‘showy’ performances, or alternatively a conversation about how Colin Jost has never been photographed with her without straight-up beaming, and the first time the paps catch them when he’s not smiling because he has to sneeze, they’re going to be all “OH NO IS IT OVER”, all I want to talk about is this: 

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Beautiful, right? Even if the look is not for you, would you ever think that ten different piercings could look so delicate on one ear? Mismatched but elegant, and clearly a look she loves overall, since those cartilage piercings don’t just pop in and out – I’m drooling and also wondering whether there’s time to get my tragus pierced before we leave L.A. tonight. 

I feel like someone at the Globes must feel the way I do because there was a point in the show – probably announcing the nominees for Best Actress, now that I think about it – when they cut directly from ScarJo’s curated ear to Cynthia Erivo’s! 

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Very very much was made about Erivo’s $3 million dollar Bulgari necklace, on almost every outlet.  Do you think jewelry designers demand that the cost be mentioned as part of the loan-out contract? It’s not like they do that with the dresses. “Well this would retail for $3245, but Zac Posen is a friend, so…” Obviously, actually admitting “I’m wearing millions in jewels” is a bit extra, but I don’t mind it as a flex, since there are still a lot of people for whom she’s kind of the ‘new face’ in the Best Lead Actress category, and because for her in particular there’s an understandable inclination to show the contrast between Cynthia Erivo and her portrayal of Harriet Tubman.  

Still, I swear I never even thought about it because her ears were so good – though I think hers are very similar on both sides, and I favour the mismatch, I was entranced and started rethinking my whole ear aesthetic. 

When you’re a nominee for the run of awards season you’re going to wind up seeing, talking to, and fake-being-happy-for the others in your category a whole lot over the millions of events, and I live in hope of Scarlett and Cynthia having a conversation about their piercing plans – because, like tattoo people, piercing people always have plans for the next ones – and that some enterprising beauty outlet or red carpet team makes it happen for me. And you know, everyone.