Hi Duana,
My partner and I had a name locked down in a minute. And now that her due date has been bumped up (just four weeks from now), I'm second guessing...her middle name of all things.
Originally, we had two middle names - Alexandra Marie - an ode to each of our mothers. Until I started filling out her benefits forms and realized that two middle names is kind of a pain. I am also of the opinion that Marie is the ultimate middle name filler for the lazy/uninspired. So we dropped Marie. But I'm still not happy...
We love the first name (think something similar to ‘Tara’)...nothing can sway me on it. Other middle names we've considered but I mostly feel meh about: Josephine, Eve, Nadine, Genevieve.
I feel like the middle name is permission to have a little fun, but I also want something that is a bit sentimental?
Can you please help!! Or tell me to just stick with what I have lol.
Thank you!,
C
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Before we get to C’s question, I wanted to talk about some personal name news…
No, nothing like that. But I did want to share that I got an email yesterday that kind of blew me away. The subject heading read:
“Duana-cadabra! A Magical Event For You This Holiday Season”
…you see it, right? Rest assured this is most definitely a mass email to subscribers, but the way it’s personalized, I feel like this wouldn’t work with every name! Like, “Amanda-cadabra”, sure! “Lauren-cadabra”, I dunno. Plus, this isn’t a company that particularly aims itself at women (it’s a theatre company – Mirvish, if that means something to you), so what are they doing for all the other names? I just can’t conceive of “Steven-cadabra” – or, you know, “Jacek-cadabra”, right?
Okay, now I’m just giggling to myself. On to the question…
C, I think you’re right on lots of counts (and I disagree with you on only one). I think you’re right to be utterly, staunchly in love with your chosen first name, not only because I like it but because that’s the sentiment you want to go in with, utter and abiding passion or, if not passion, at least fascination with the chosen name. Great.
I also think you’re right that for now, Marie is utterly played out as a middle name. It’s the “uh-huh” of middle names because of how many girls and women, when asked about their middle names, shrug “Marie” as in, “what do you expect?” (Women whose middle name is Ann or Anne also do this). I do not think it’s played out as a first name, and I actually think it will be back before long because it’s charming and relatively unusual in that not many female names have the accent on the second syllable, but I hear you on the middle name front.
I think part of the reason you’re feeling unsatisfied with Alexandra in the middle is the same reason I was so tickled with my mass-mailing greeting – the A at the end of one name flows seamlessly into the next, which makes it feel unintentionally … expected, or unexciting, even though, again, that’s not an indictment on Alexandra in the infinite sense.
If I had a note about the alternate names you’ve listed above, I’d say that despite your feeling (and my fervent agreement) that “the middle name is permission to have a little fun”, most of the names you’ve listed as not-good-enough contenders are resolutely middle-name-y. I’m here to tell you to go for a showstopper! I don’t necessarily agree that two middle names are a pain (although, ask my kid in a decade) but if you’re only going with one, it’s okay to go with one you love just as much as her first name, instead of just something that feels ‘appropriate’. I hear you about wanting sentiment there, but if the overall effect is making you shrug, then the idea of sentimentality is kind of lost too, you know?
So first off I’d suggest investigating variations on Marie, and/or on Alexandra (though in most cases that a-to-a thing is still going to exist).
You could do something like Tara Maritza or Tara Miriam or Tara Mamie Alexandra or Tara Marielle? Tara Sasha, or Tara Lexie, or Tara Mariana Alexis, or Tara Marla Alexine … you could play in this space forever.
But I’d also encourage you to go further afield. Have a little fun, as you say, and also don’t feel you have to stick to a predetermined style. You could go with something fanciful and a bit extra - Magnolia or Cressida or Dorothea or Pandora or Talitha or Luciana? Something a bit crisp and daring, like Electra or Lilith or Saoirse or Zilke. Something you adore but that you wouldn’t put in the front spot for a million different reasons: too popular, too evocative of that one person, too 80s, too whatever. Rhiannon or Samantha or Logan or Phylicia or Calliope or Enid or anything else that truly, with all respect to Marie Kondo, sparks joy.
It’s her middle name! As a part of the whole name, it’s supposed to both clarify your naming style (“Oh, no, you thought we only liked short names? Guess again, her middle name is Desdemona!”) and add depth to her ‘full’ name without it. “Yes I’m Tara Soledad Christiane Lastname, my parents are super into 90s newsmagazine shows.”
There isn’t a ‘perfect’ middle name, but you don’t have to restrict yourself to those sedate or otherwise ‘proper’ enough to live ‘just’ in the middle. It’s okay to love her middle name as much as her first, and it’s okay to feel like you went some kind of way where style is concerned. Some people think of middle names as just a kind of bridge from point A to point B, but we both know – and I encourage you to show your daughter – that they can be way, way more.
Let us know!
