To Whom It May Concern:

Please excuse Elizabeth from dressing on the Comme Des Garcons/Rei Kuwakabo theme tonight, as she has been dressing that way for the past several years due to her ongoing engagement as Effie Trinket. As such, her mesmerizing body-con sequined Rorschach painting and banana-coloured hair is an homage to all the girls at Tavi Gevinson’s high school who made fun of her for liking Comme Des Garcons at a time when Aeropostale was as exotic as it got.

Love, Duana

P.S. I don’t exactly know what the thinking is here. This is the second year in a row that E. Banks is not exactly on theme but not allll the way off it either, to the point where you think there was probably some sort of thought process behind it, and I’d like to ask her about it and see whether she would be able to articulate it all the way through, or whether she’d stop halfway and admit to being a bit confused but know that it did make sense at the time.

Then again if you think of it as the evil-heart-on-high-tops Comme Des Garcons, like the collabs they do with J. Crew, this is not so farfetched and I would have died if she’d found a way to pair it with some sort of formal high-platform skater Vans. Next time.

She does make one mistake that I, too, am guilty of and I’m going to make an effort to not do it: if you’re going to wear earrings—and in certain shots you can just barely see she’s wearing substantial hoops the size of hockey pucks—let them be seen! Pull that hair off your face!

I’m Elizabeth Banks’ mother now. What’s even happening?