Ellen Page earned an Oscar nomination at 20 for Juno. She starred in cult favorite Hard Candy and the underrated Whip It. She’s been in the X-Men and has worked with Christopher Nolan. It’s not like Ellen Page hasn’t Done Things. She totally has. And everyone likes her! Everyone likes Ellen Page—she never seemed to attract the same hipster-ire as, say, Michael Cera. So why is she starring in this sh*tty sequel/remake of Flatliners? The first trailer was just released and while it’s not like the 1990 Flatliners is a masterpiece—it’s primarily notable for giving us Kiefer Sutherland and Julia Roberts: Failed Power Couple—the remake looks like any disposable February horror movie.
This is a remake but also kind of a sequel, as it’s the same movie but with new characters. Page takes on the Kiefer Sutherland role as the med student who wants to die in order to see the afterlife, and James Norton—best known as the Sad Vicar Who Solves Murders on Grantchester—is in the Julia Roberts part of reluctant accomplice. The movie also stars Nina Dobrev, Kiersey Clemons, and Diego Luna, who just lost his Internet Boyfriend crown to Chris Pine.
I understand Norton, Dobrev, and Clemons being in this movie. Even Luna makes sense—this is from the pre-Rogue One period, when Hollywood still didn’t know what to do with him. (His first post-Rogue One gig is the Scarface remake written by the Coen Brothers, which is a huge step up from Flatliners.) But Ellen Page? ELLEN PAGE? What are you doing here, Juno? Looking at her IMDB page, nothing seems so dire. She hasn’t been in a big movie since X-Men: Days of Future Past in 2014, but Freeheld had some buzz going for it, and Tallulah got strong reviews on the festival circuit last year. Plus she has a travel show on VICE, so it’s not like she isn’t busy. I guess it’s just time to get paid. And if that’s the case, man I hope Page gets PAID. She is way too good for this sh*t.