It’s been almost a week since Gwyneth Paltrow showed up at the MET Gala and decided not to participate – in my opinion because, as a member of the establishment, she cannot and refuses to represent the counterculture as it would undermine the status quo, which exists in her favour. Here’s G on Saturday, apparently making use of a wind machine, at the UCLA Mattel Children’s Hospital event. Will we be seeing a collaboration coming up between goop and Mattel?

In other Gwyneth news, goop headquarters was just featured in Architectural Digest. It’s described as “modernist restraint punctuated by moments of sculptural brio” which… I don’t know what the f-ck that means, do you? You probably do. I’m an interior design idiot. But I’m looking at her office and the fact that she has benches in there instead of chairs and I’m thinking… what if someone wants to lean back? But what really makes me angry is the goop test kitchen:

The kitchen, like the rest of the office, feels quintessentially Goop: smart, efficient, and beautiful. It’s the kind of space that makes millions of women ask, “How does Gwyneth make it all look so effortless—and fabulous?”

Please explain to me how it is that a kitchen can feel “smart”. What is a smart kitchen? Is it the definition of “smart” that means well-dressed? Like, “Brenda was wearing a smart suit to the meeting”? Because the most common use of that definition of “smart” is to describe attire. Most people, however, will read that use of the word “smart” to mean “intelligent”. So this is an intelligent kitchen. A kitchen that makes good decisions? This is what I have to worry about now? I have a hard enough time making anything work in the kitchen (and I am getting better and better at it for sure) and now on top of all that, my kitchen should also be intelligent?

To see photos of the goop office space, click here.