I’ve read a lot of blog posts detailing what goes down during a rendezvous with Drake, but the one making the rounds this week is far spicier than the others. According to @TooMuchHotTea, an Instagram model is ready to sue, after accusing Drizzy of spiking a condom full of jizzy with hot sauce. It’s like 50 Shades of Drake, sponsored by Hot Ones.


Apparently they met at a party a few weeks ago, went back to his hotel to smoke, one thing led to another and Drake ensured things were consensual before returning from the bathroom with a condom on. That rubbered-up walk from the bathroom to the bed isn’t exactly the suave Champagne Papi I imaged… @TooMuchHotTea has some details of what happened during the act if you’re into that sort of thing (I am and I read it all) but it’s post-nut where the story gets weird. He finished in the condom and immediately headed back to the bathroom to dispose it. She stopped by the bathroom later and fished the condom out of the trash, untied it and tried to inseminate herself right there next to the toilet. I guess you gotta get it while it’s hot. What happened next wasn’t part of her 18-year-plan. 

“She said it felt like pouring hot lava into her pussy.” 

This story is like the darkest Drake’s the type of dude to meme I’ve ever heard. I know karma is a bitch, but is lava in your vagina just punishment for this crime? So, obviously she was screaming and that’s when Drake ran into the room and admitted he poured hot sauce in the condom to kill the sperm. Drake took it literally when Frank’s Red Hot said they put that sh-t on everything. 


I bet you have questions. Me too. Like, can hot sauce really kill a guy’s hot sauce? Apparently it doesn’t take much to kill. Why doesn’t Drake just flush the condom? Maybe he cares about the environment! What kind of hot sauce is Drake carrying on him? Like a travel size bottle? The perfect size for the restaurant and the restroom. Or does he grab a little a little packet every time he grabs a condom? Lastly, red hot sauce? Green hot sauce? Today I actually discovered they make clear hot sauce — not very appetizing if you ask me. 

Drake seemingly responded to the story on Instagram with a caption that read, “You can have your 15 minutes of fame… I’ll take the other 23 hours and 45 mins.” But… could this story have been right in front of our eyes since 2018? On “Diplomatic Immunity” he says, “I got the sauce and now shorties keep claimin' preggo.” Then again, just last year on “Wasting Time” he raps, “Flushed the Magnums just so they not collectin' my specimens”.