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Dear Gossips,

Apparently Simon Cowell wants to be preserved. While promoting X Factor, he revealed that he plans to be cryogenically frozen so that, say, in 500 years or so, if/when humans have invented the technology to reverse aging and delay death, he might be brought back to life. This reminded me of an episode of 60 Minutes I watched recently with a profile on Paul Allen and a glimpse into his crazy ass multibillionaire life, including the construction of a massive yacht that comes with its own submarine, and footage from a “jam session”, during which the Microsoft co-founder riffs on Jimi Hendrix’s guitar which he acquired for $750,000. He looked really bored. Imagine arriving at the point where you can have everything, so the only thing you end up wanting, and can’t have, is elusive immortality? Some people would be really, really happy, eternally happy, with just another 10 years. I wonder if that counts as greed, relatively.

Click here for more on Simon’s plans for life on ice after death.

Also, here’s my theory about why In Touch Weekly was so f-cking DUMBASS with their ridiculous Will & Jada story this week - PEOPLE paid a reported $2.5 million for that Kardashian wedding business prompting some of the lesser tabloids to go balls out in competition, even if it meant lying. You need to sell a LOT of copies at $2.5 million to make that worthwhile. Am really, really curious to see if that ends up being worthwhile. Because if it does NOT end up being worthwhile, and newsstand buyers spend their $2.99 on In Touch’s bullsh-t instead, is that the sign that the end is beginning? That might be too optimistic. I’ll be over here, watching as that cover is purchased in record numbers, as those twats continue to own our asses.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

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