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Dear Gossips,

Sick time is movie time. Old ones you haven't seen for years that appreciate over time. Or are still so bad they're even better when the fever makes you trippy.

Legends of the Fall came on yesterday. Holy f-ck Brad Pitt. It was of course the character too. Tristan Ludlow was designed to be the all dream. How he rode his horse and broke her, his skin in the mountain sun, the way he went to war only to protect his brother, helplessly couldn't save his brother, goddamn every time he came onscreen I felt it right there, in the most woozy way, almost hysterical with desire. And in the end it was too much. I could not keep watching. Brad Pitt was so hot, so f-cking beautifully hot I could not continue watching.

It was a welcome reminder, especially now with the dearth of real celebrity, why he IS Brad Pitt. And still, in his 40s now, maybe no longer at his physical peak, still Brad Pitt has no heir. None. No one comes close. If you’ve forgotten, go back to Legends – you’ll remember in no time.

Every day, Lindsay Lohan finds a way to create more drama. Of course she’ll appeal the sentencing with a new lawyer. That bitch will use up every dollar she has to avoid jail where there will be no weave, no makeup, no smokes, and worse still, no crank. Here’s how you stick it in everyone else’s ass: you suck it up, you take the hit, you own your sh-t, you eat the sh-t, and then you rebuild. Instead? Instead Mommy Dina is telling the world on Entertainment Tonight that “I know my daughter is clean and sober today. I know that for a fact.”

It’s Friday. Am online all day with GOOP interiors, a review of Predators, and girl drama, the best drama.

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

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