That’s his word, not mine. 

Sandra Oh has never won an Emmy. Do you know how many Emmys Justin Timberlake has won? Three. Did I just ruin your day? 

Justin’s Emmys are all from Saturday Night Live. So you know, last night, it could have been worse. Here’s how it could have been worse: Lorne Michaels produced the show, which is why it was an extra-long episode of SNL. And JT is an SNL favourite. So that was a possibility. For him to be up there during the opening number, or any bit, involved in some way. He didn’t do sh-t on television this year and he was there because Jessica Biel was nominated but, you know, Justin Timberlake will find a way to insert himself whenever he can. But either Lorne didn’t ask for JT or JT thought better of it and decided to let his wife have the shine for one night. I’m going with option A. At least we were spared, though. At least all we had to endure was him on the carpet being excited for his wife. To the point where he had to one-up her and everyone else about how excited he is: 

“I’m geeking out harder than she is!” 

It’s endless, you know? Just when you think he’s exhausted all the ways to centre himself in the conversation, he’ll come up with something new. He also warned that if she won, he “might do something obnoxious”. YOU DON’T SAY. And you know who expects it more than we do? Jessica. 

As she told NBC on the carpet during the pre-show, “He embarrasses me all the time”. Girl, not just you. Trevor Noah knows. Hit the arrow. 


A post shared by Trevor Noah (@trevornoah) on

Can we play Photo Assumption on this shot? It’s Jessica congratulating Darren Criss on his first Emmy. Have a look at Justin’s face. What’s your baseless conclusion? Mine is that he can’t stand that she’s praising someone else. Because in his presence, who else would there be to praise? 

Darren Criss, recording artist Justin Timberlake, and actor Jessica Biel attend the 70th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards held at the Microsoft Theater on September 17, 2018

Here are Justin and Jessica at the after-party. I prefer the white dress she wore to the show. God she looked beautiful last night. Love the lightly waved hair. That shade of dark pink looked great on her lips. She is stunning. And you never get a chance to appreciate it because there’s always a punk tap-dancing like a monkey beside her.