Dear Gossips,

Sub-500.” This is John Mayer’s sex number. He claims he hasn’t slept with as many people as you think. Like definitely “sub-500”. And supposedly, these days, he can’t get a girl to take his number. So his sex number isn’t rising as quickly as it used to. 

All this was told on Instagram earlier this week to Cazzie David. As Maria has noted a few times in her Smutty Social Media posts, it seems like he’s been thirst-trapping her for weeks. Talking about sex is often foreplay to sex. Many of us have participated in similar conversations, privately. So, basically, he’s talking about how much less sex he’s having these days, and how little sex he insists he needs these days, probably so that he can have more sex. 

Amanda Arnold, writing for The Cut, tried to do the sex math on John Mayer and points out, quite rightly, that for a famous musician, “sub-500”, when you break it all down by weekly estimates, considering his age and how long he’s been at it, isn’t that crazy. What’s also not crazy is that he’s a dude which explains the reaction. John Mayer is 41. Shakira, for example, is also 41 years old. Just as famous as he is. Just as successful. Wayyyy hotter. Imagine if she went on Instagram and revealed that she’s “sub-500”? (She isn’t, and she hasn’t, this is a hypothetical. The fact that I even have to make this disclaimer, though, is the point.) You know she would never. And you know why she could never. 

According to John Mayer, he’s not getting off as much as he used to get off. And now he’s getting off on talking about getting off. Is this change? 

Yours in gossip,