This is starting to feel like a joke… except it’s not a joke. It’s Justin “New York” Theroux, really leaning into the “New York” part of himself, to the point that it’s become a middle name. 

So. To recap: Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux ended their marriage. Afterwards there were all these reports in Page Six about how he wasn’t into LA so much because he’s more of a “New York state of mind” kind of guy; I guess New York loves a cliché. Sources close to Justin were supposedly talking up his “arty” and “edgy” New York-ness as the reason why his relationship with Jennifer couldn’t work. Subtext: he’s too cool for her. She’s too Hollywood for him. Is this kinda like those people who sneer at television watchers because they prefer books? 

Anyway, since the separation, we’ve seen non-Hollywood Justin, with his non-Hollywood tan, hanging out with all kinds of Hollywood people at Paris Fashion Week and biking around the city with his avant-garde big label Louis Vuitton backpack, and attending film premieres. Now he’s talking to Esquire about New York cuisine, hanging out with his friend and chef Carlos Quirarte as he opens his new restaurant. Justin is ostensibly helping to promote his buddy’s enterprise here. But he’s also telling us how well he knows his way around New York food. He even drops the phrase “quintessential New York”. Jesus Christ, man, we get it. You ARE New York. No one has ever been more New York than you. 

“I like the old standbys. There's constantly places to check out, but I like the neighborhood spots—Joe's Pizza, Corner Bistro—the places that are quintessential New York.”

You know what I’m going to hold against Justin Theroux though? He was asked about his favourite burger. His answer: 

A turkey burger.


I don’t give a sh-t where it’s from. Turkey burgers were created as substitutes for the real thing, a beef burger. It’s basically a replacement. It’s basically goop’s version of dimsum. Is this how Justin Theroux wants to be defined?!

Note how this interview ends. Remember it’s an interview about how New York he is. 

“It’s great to be back.”

Jennifer Aniston must have eye-rolled herself out of this marriage because GOD how did she stand it? 

Click here to read more about Justin Theroux at Esquire.