Justin Timberlake’s album, Man Of The Woods, is now out. He released a fourth video from the album, for the title track, yesterday. I watched the video this morning. He refers to his dick as “the faucet”. 

And… I’m out. 

Apparently this kind of junior lyricism is not unique to that particular song. As Pitchfork noted in their review of the album, JT is an “abjectly poor lyricist”. Apparently at one point, while singing about f-cking, he refers to the “pink” and the “purple”. 

This makes me very happy. Because I am HAPPY when Justin Timberlake EMBARRASSES HIMSELF. 

As for the video, he’s doing his usual, monkey-dancing all over the place. The best part of the video isn’t even him, it’s Jessica Biel. All I could think while watching it was that I wanted to see more of her. That I wanted the camera to say on her. She is, however, as we’ve seen over the years, much better at ceding the camera to him than he is to her. JT’s birthday was on January 31st. This is what Jessica posted on Instagram: 

 

A post shared by Jessica Biel (@jessicabiel) on

Very few instances of “me” or “I”. And all about him. That’s the way you do it when you’re honouring someone on their birthday. 

So we’re 48 hours away from the Super Bowl and JT is headlining the halftime show. He was at the press conference yesterday taking questions and people asked him who his guests would be. Some people have been speculating that it will be Chris Stapleton. Others are hoping for an NSYNC reunion. And of course there’s Janet Jackson. Here’s what he said: 

Lady Gaga performed at the Super Bowl last year and I don’t remember any special guests during her set. So the precedent is there. And if there’s anyone who doesn’t like sharing, it’s Justin Timberlake. I don’t give a sh-t who it’s going to be, if anyone. I just don’t want it to be Janet. 

Because how would that benefit Janet? It would benefit HIM, for sure. But what’s the takeaway for her? It’s not like she’s promoting an album. He’s the one promoting an album. Why should SHE help HIM promote HIS album? Unless he gets off the stage after the first 5 seconds and completely disappears and his only role there is to introduce her and she gets the full 12 minutes on her own (which is not going to happen), there’s no bonus here for Janet. And a bonus for Janet is all that matters. Justin Timberlake’s entire life has been a f-cking bonus. He bonuses off as many people as he can. Nobody needs to watch Janet bonus him yet again. #NeverForget.