Last Word

Charlie Sheen does not play the Sympathy Card. Neither does Nick Lachey. On a book note: For those of you who’ve read The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory - Did you know they’ve announced a movie? Starring Natalie Portman presumably playing Mary and Eric Bana who I hope will take on the role of the loin quivering horse riding William Stafford with great big thighs and hopefully no shirt on? Heaven, gossips. Total heaven. And did you hear about Corey Haim and a tv deal with Corey Feldman? WTF? Love the 80s and definitely loved Corey. and all but come on… Can you stand to look at the drug ravages all over his face on weekly television? Here, take a look and refresh your memories. Some things should never be brought back from the dead, you know what I mean? Oh but the best but also the very worst about this is that he apparently had an affair with Victoria Beckham pre-David. Me. In the toilet. Puking my Chinese all over the Four Seasons Resort. Anyway, you’ll have to excuse the errors in this column. I have an 8am call time, it’s 2am right now, I’ve already written over 2,600 words, and I’m not going to bother with revisions and proofing so it’s probably not as sharp as I would like it to be. However, I received a pointed email today by a reader who goes by “Stickers etc” admonishing me for my terrible time management skills so I desperately wanted to get this out to you as soon as possible. Apologies all around for not delivering on deadline. Fresh gossip on Thursday, unless I bust my ass snowboarding in which case I’ll have bigger things – like my ass – to worry about other than smut. Til then, I am yours in gossip, Lainey