I will always owe my friend Lara for teaching me one of my favourite expressions, an expression I’ve stolen from her that’s become a feature on this site:
Girl Sh-t Is The Best Sh-t. Girl Sh-t, Boy Sh-t, so much great sh-t.
Back in the day though, a classic side-eye used to be the Girl Sh-t and Boy Sh-t weapon of choice.
Then Julia Roberts made Girl Sh-t wearable. Remember when she and Danny Moder first hooked up but he was conveniently coming out of a marriage to a woman called Vera and Julia, also conveniently, got papped in a t-shirt that read “A Low Vera”?
From side-eyes to message tees, Girl Sh-t and Ex Sh-t then took the form of the dance-off, made most famous by Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake; it’s an incident Jenna Dewan claims never happened but the story has now become Girl Sh-t gossip legend. As has Kim Kardashian’s Day Of The Receipts, using social media as her Girl Sh-t delivery service to reckon with Taylor Swift.
Lately though, the primetime symbol of Girl and Boy Sh-t has been the handshake. Donald Trump’s been Boy Sh-tting his handshake with political allies and adversaries and around the world with world leaders. But Genie Bouchard was doing Girl Sh-t through handshakes – or handshake refusals– well before Trump became president. And tennis has once again given us some amazing handshake Boy Sh-t.
At the French Open this week, Martin Klizan beat Laurent Lokoli in 5 sets. They were boysh-tting through the entire match. Near the end of the match, Laurent double-faulted and this is how Martin reacted:
A little before the "handshake" this is how Klizan celebreated Lokoli's df on 2-4 15-40 5th set pic.twitter.com/RBiyf7wEHF— Stefano Berlincioni (@Carretero77) May 30, 2017
In tennis, it’s generally considered bad form to celebrate when someone double-faults. So when the match was over, here’s how Laurent felt about Martin coming up to shake his hand:
The "handshake" is the perfect summary of Klizan vs Lokoli pic.twitter.com/a4F1KIHeSv— Stefano Berlincioni (@Carretero77) May 30, 2017
Of course I love this so much. Of course I do. It’s so f-cking petty. But it’s petty… with flair! It’s the one finger shush followed by the wave-off, the perfect positioning of his flicking wrist – it’s such a wonderfully theatrical display of spite, I can’t stop watching it.
I know you know, but it’s a reminder: never, ever let anyone tell you that petty is the domain of women. Because, sometimes, men actually do it better.
Yours in gossip,