Is quarantine a good or bad time to release music? Lady Gaga postponed the release of her upcoming album Chromatica because according to her, “I want use to be able to dance together, sweat together, hug and kiss each other, and make it the most bombastic celebration of all time.” Donald Glover, on the other hand, surprise-dropped a whole album (albeit in a really cryptic way) while everyone was social distancing.
To Lindsay Lohan, not only is it time for new music, it’s also time for a whole career comeback. There’s always the possibility that this could be an April Fool’s joke, but yesterday Twitter argued over whether April Fool’s is cancelled. Even if it isn’t, I wouldn’t put it past Lindsay Lohan to legitimately relaunch her music career on a day when everything is supposed to be a joke.
On her Instagram yesterday, she shared a teaser of grainy TV footage showing news reporters talking about her, the “Evolution of Lindsay Lohan”, her Mykonos dance move, and various other clips. It ends with Lindsay saying, “I’m back”.
This isn’t the first time Lindsay Lohan has been “back”. She even said, “I’m back bitches” two years ago in the promo for her proposed reality prank show, The Anti-Social Network. A year after, she came back yet again with a new reality show idea called Lohan Beach Club. It ran for one season but was ultimately cancelled due to poor ratings and reviews. That was in 2018.
Now, LL is “back” again, but this time with music. When Maria wrote about Lohan Beach House, she said, “reading Lindsay’s new interview and watching the teaser just shows that she’s been out of the game for a very long time and might not even know what the game is anymore.” Some fans (Lohanians? Lindsayers?) think that Lindsay is teasing LL3 as they call it. It’s been a LONG time since Lindsay released an album. Almost 15 years. And the last single we got was 12 years ago. Has she been too long out of the game even for music?
Although Maria might roll her eyes at me, I’m actually optimistic for this new project. Why? Well for starters, although the last single was 12 years ago, she has been making and “releasing” music in a very LL fashion quite recently. Her song “Xanax” was promoted on her social media in September 2019, although the only way to listen to it is through her IGTV since it’s not actually available on any streaming platform. She also made a “music video” for it recently, but it was just a compilation of heavily filtered Instagram stories. I can’t find the original video since she’s taken it down along with the rest of her Instagram posts, but EW did a segment on it.
I’m kind of into “Xanax”. Even Rolling Stone admitted that despite it’s obvious musical shortcomings, they’re also kind of into it. It’s catchy and I would definitely dance to it if I heard it in a club. This teaser isn’t just the official release of “Xanax” by the way, a fact which Lindsay confirmed on her Instagram Live, it’s new music. We’ll have to just see whether this next song is as good, but I think this could be a more promising comeback.
Otherwise, if it goes South again, I propose that LL’s next comeback should be in the vein of ASMR/pimple popping videos. Look at how satisfying her latest IGTV was. The peel!