The cast of Black Panther almost cost me a laptop, my friendship with Lainey Lui, and probably my job. I was ready to tear apart her entire basement. I was ready to throw whatever I could at the TV screen. As soon as I saw Danai Gurira, Michael Bae Jordan and Lupita Nyong’o, I was ready to risk it all. And that was before the show even started.
All three flawless humans were interviewed together on the red carpet by Ryan Seacrest because E! was trying to kill me this year with something other than Giuliana Rancic’s embarrassing lack of research. I decided during that Seacrest interview (were they saying words? I blacked out) that Lupita Nyong’o had to be my Best Dressed because a) LOOK AT HER b) SERIOUSLY, LOOK DIRECTLY AT HER, c) this Calvin Klein cascading fringe gown is RIDICULOUS and d) her go-to hairstylist Vernon Francois has done it again. Lupita’s natural hair is styled in a futuristic bob updo creation that makes me want to throw shoes like when Jennifer Hudson likes a contestant on The Voice.
It was already too much. I needed some breaks. I needed time to process what my man was wearing and take in Danai’s whole look. I wanted to see each of the Black Panther cast members individually. If the Golden Globes producers were smart, they would have spread them out. Every 20 minutes, we should have gotten a Wakanda fix. I realize that if they’d done that, we wouldn’t have gotten my absolute favourite moment of the night:
If I was still breathing by the time that Wakanda salute moment happened, Chadwick showing up in that off-white suit would have killed me. It has been SO LONG since this cast has been together on a stage like this. I know I’m constantly repeating this but I MISS THE BLACK PANTHER PRESS TOUR. Oh, all of the Killmonger stans who are mad MBJ did the salute can see themselves out. Your hatred of joy and nice things is not welcome here.
At this point, I’d been resuscitated. I felt like I can probably make it through the rest of the night. Then… THEN. I can’t even… Please just look at what Michael Bae Jordan posted:
Yes, Lupita and MBJ are trolling up. No, I do not care. Yes, I wish I was in that elevator. Yes, I would make out with every single one of them. These hi-res, high-drama short videos designed for IG are now common at awards shows. The fact that these three came up with this storyline with a clip that was sure to go viral, at the same time that everyone is lamenting over its snubs, means that they are BRILLIANT. The chances of Black Panther winning Best Picture seems to be dwindling every day but every time you try to rule it out, this cast hits you with a charm offensive that you can’t look away from. And every time they do that, you’re reminded that they all brought that same charisma onscreen. Remember how Black Panther destroyed every box office record and met every impossible expectation that was placed on it? Remember how the world fell in love with an entire cast of dark-skinned complex black characters? REMEMBER. The cast of Black Panther won’t let you forget. If Black Panther’s Oscar campaign strategy is just to show up to all the other award shows and remind everyone how PERFECT they are, I’m into it.