It was confirmed this week that a scripted series based on the life of Mimi is being developed at Starz and produced by Mimi herself, along with Brett Ratner. The story will start when Mimi is 16 and track the course of her career, showing us how she became Mimi, the thinnest, most beautiful, most talented vocalist of all time. Several episodes will likely be devoted to “500 hours of beauty school”. Because Mimi brings this up in conversation All.The.Time. She did “500 hours of beauty school” and then she dropped out. Also she’s pure and chaste and doesn’t open her flower to many people.

The point is, if Mimi is producing a Mimi series, it’s not exactly going to be real life. What it will be is scene upon scene of people standing around telling her “character” that she’s the thinnest, most beautiful, most talented vocalist of all time. Also, the lighting with be amazing…or will it?

This is the biggest question about the show: who will they cast? Who will be good enough in Mimi’s eyes to play Mimi? Does such a person even exist? And let’s say they do find someone? What happens when that person, who is, at first, expected to play 16 years of age (so, like, just 5 or 6 years younger than Mimi right now), is in the same room as Mimi. And she is actually thinner and her skin has no wrinkles.

I just…need to be there if and when that happens.

In other Mimi news, did you see that clip of her on Jamie Foxx’s game show, Beat Shazam? Contestants have to identify songs before Shazam does. (WHY IS JAMIE FOXX HOSTING GAME SHOWS? is what you are all asking but since the answer is “$”, can we move on?) Jamie invites Mimi to come out and surprise the audience. People freak out. Then she sits at a piano. And proceeds to spend the next few minutes preening while Jamie talks about the fact that she is basically the best sh-t there ever was and people freak out and scream and cry and she blows some kisses…and then gets up off the piano bench and leaves. That’s it. She barely says a word. Which is exactly what a Mimi work day should look like, goddamn it.

Here’s Mimi performing in Vegas last night.