There comes a time in every young woman’s life for her awakening. Yes, that one. Mine was stirred heavily by magazine covers – Josh Hartnett on the cover of Teen People, shirtless Tupac on Rolling Stone, JTT in J-14, just to name a few. But if I had to come out as straight to my parents like in Love, Simon, I would have done it after I saw Marky Mark in his underwear for Calvin Klein in the pages of a magazine I probably wasn’t allowed to be reading (I know, I know, Mark Wahlberg is the worst but that’s the truth.)
Somewhere, EVERYWHERE, young boys and girls are having their very own sexual awakenings to Michael B. Jordan’s cover of Men’s Health which dropped yesterday. GOOD. LORD. There was a point in the day yesterday when I was questioning my sexuality after watching Janelle Monae’s Pynk video, but then I saw this cover and I was like, “Yep, still straight.”
Multiple people sent me links to Michael Bae Jordan’s photo spread in Men’s Health. Those people are real friends and I will appreciate them forever. The cover is a delicious main course but there’s an assortment of snacks inside. Michael Bae Jordan being sexy using a sledgehammer! Michael Bae Jordan looking like he invented leaning against walls while leaning against a wall! Michael Bae Jordan walking through smoke with a fire extinguisher on his way to put out the burning fire in my loins! I’M SORRY. That was gross. I regretted it instantly.
Are these photos an elaborate thirst trap for my attention? Most likely, and it’s working. There are words that accompany the pictures but they are far less interesting. I find everything MBJ does fascinating because I’m a supportive stan but also because he’s usually a captivating interview. Not this time. It’s OK though because LOOK AT THE PHOTOS.
Plus, boring can be good. This interview is boring because it barely gives us any new information except for the fact that Michael Bae hasn’t met the other Michael Jordan and doesn’t want to until he’s more successful and worthy of the name. It’s a nice story and a good example of MBJ’s hustle but it’s not juicy. Over the past few months, MBJ has put his head down and gone to work. He doesn’t have time for juicy. He’s focused. It’s HOT. It’s also admirable to see a guy in the middle of his moment still focusing on the work. This is why he’s so worthy of my affection and it’s the simple reason why his career is going to be long and successful.
Aside from the writer’s tantalizing description of MBJ’s “dancing and faux-jabbing” in the ring during boxing rehearsals for Creed II you can skip the words and just stare at the pretty pictures. And video.
The trailer for MBJ’s new HBO series Farenheit 451 dropped last week but I didn’t write about it because there wasn’t much to say but how goddamn delectable he looks (and the show looks good too). Since that was basically the point of this point, here it is! Enjoy!
