Yesterday after I posted my apology for past heinous content on the site my intention was to leave it up for the rest of the day and all of today so that my shame could be on display for as long as possible, not post any new content until Wednesday. Shaming is a thing in Chinese tradition and culture. Hundreds of years ago, petty thieves were made to stand in the town square so that villagers could walk by to judge them and jeer at them. When the Communists came into power they’d make “class enemies” parade through the market with a shame cap on so that everyone could see them. Many of us raised in Chinese homes were punished by shaming when we were kids. I still remember kneeling in the kitchen holding onto my ears (because disobedience is related to “not listening”) facing the rest of my family as they ate; my shame was dinner theatre.
So that was my intention: to metaphorically kneel on the internet holding my ears and sit in the shame, not write anything new. But then how would the work continue? Part of the work of allyship, for sure, is to name your shame, apologise, and apologise as much as possible. I am sorry for the offensive posts of the past that were racist, misogynistic, transphobic. At the same time, without the work, what does the apology mean? There’s no checking out here. Even though the work in the 2000s was hurtful and harmful, we’ve also done some great work since in acknowledging blindspots and shortcomings, confronting unconscious bias, and advocating for change. I can do better still and I’m happy you’re here to join me. Once again, I’m sorry. I’m eating sh-t and I’m working.
Yours in gossip,