Justin Timberlake Kevin Federline: Hollywood NF Necrotising Fasciitis. Otherwise known as flesh eating disease. And since the viral market has already been cornered by Paris Hilton"s Hollywood Ebola, it"s only right that Kfed lays claim to bacterial infections, seeing as his peculiar brand of degenerate filth has already irreversibly altered the pop By Lainey • Aug 03, 2006 08:00 am
Jessica Alba Ryan & Rachel: the anti-Notebook A sighting and some smut…the perfect combination! My girlfriend Angie happens to live on Seymour in Vancouver, just across from where Rachel was shooting yesterday. Rachel was walking to the set, eating watermelon. Angie passed her on the street, super close. Being the friendly girl she is, Angie was By Lainey • Aug 03, 2006 08:00 am
Keira Knightley Keira & Rupert: pout for pout Matching pucker, matching hats, matching clavicles, step for step...Give me a f&cking break. I mean really…do people really walk around like this? And is it me or does her boyfriend freak you out? Can"t put my finger on it but I"m seeing By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Selma Blair Selma Blair: anorexic recovered Gotta assuage the guilt, thank Goddess for Selma Blair, scary skinny at one point - see example in orange - and happily healthier of late. Here she is with her husband (nice to see them trying to work it out), by no means voluptuous, but no longer in the danger By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Paris & Stav: Riviera Romance Can"t say I"m sorry to see them back together. Like Pam and Kid, some couples just make sense, right? And after briefly siccing her poison p&ssy on athletes from across disciplines, Paris is back with someone who truly deserves her: an aimless Greek heir, By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Kid Rock Alanis & Ryan: bragging rights Time to gloat. Skip to the next if you don"t want to hear it. The photos prove it visually but I was the first to tell you exclusive on eTalk almost three weeks ago that they were very much together in Vancouver, surrounded by their dogs, rolling around By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Jay Z Elisha Cuthbert: beautiful but blind Trace Ayala, by all accounts, is a loyal friend and rather low key player. No, not the most exciting looking fellow by any stretch, but I"m telling you…anything is better than Sean Avery and any hockey fan will tell you the same: the man is a tool. By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Kid Rock Wanting Kelly"s Boobies If you"ve been reading my column for a while, you"re well aware of my obsession with little breasts. Love them. And happy, happy news! I have now found my ideal titties to go along with my ideal nose. Courteney Cox for the beak, Kelly Ripa for By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Victoria Beckham The New Mrs Beckham Eating again AND burning the weave??? What in F&CK is going on? Is David finally getting through to his wife??? Because as we all know, when Victoria is unhappy or when David is unhappy with Victoria, word is she always resorts to torturing her body, partly because she& By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Mel Gibson Tori Spelling: karmic downsizing Karma works in mysterious ways. And karmic payback is meticulously devised. Pedestrian homewreckers like Claire Danes can expect premature beauty evaporation - a tragic fate for a fetching young star. Others have been cursed with - gasp! - a new unremovable layer of fat, forever limiting career opportunities, resulting in By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Ashlee Simpson Jessica horny, Ashlee near death What the hell is going on here? Are the Simpsons becoming the Olsens? One is big-lipped and blonde, the other dark and emaciated, barely able to smile, let along walk herself to her car. Safe to say Joe Simpson will not be welcomed by the Goddess, savvy? Gotta love Jessie& By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Reese Witherspoon Sarah Michelle Gellar: scream queen for life? As we"ve just discussed, karmic payback takes many forms, tailored specifically to deserving recipients, inspired by what they fear the most. In Tori"s case, it"s socialite poverty, for Sarah Michelle Gellar, it"s a film career that pales in comparison to small screen By Lainey • Aug 02, 2006 08:00 am
Last Word The Third Person is not Britney. Judy might be a bitch, but her taste in men runs much more A grade, as in platinum several times, savvy? And yes, in case you’re wondering, I finally dragged my ass to Pirates. Fresh smut soon. Til then, I am yours in By Lainey • Jul 31, 2006 08:00 am
Mischa Barton The Daily Gorgessity: Mischa Barton Total bitch. Yes. Prime candidate for eventual karma face. Yes. But also one of the loveliest looking young starlets around, from head to toe, on style and sensuality, few can beat Mischa Barton. Here she is at some polo event today in the UK – perfect per usual. A dress to By Lainey • Jul 31, 2006 08:00 am
Janet Jackson Joshua & Diane: together in LA Pacey Witter, one of my favourite players for life, looks healthy and happy and very much in love. So much so that, unlike previous years, he’s chosen to scale back his usual Vancouver summer madness, preferring a much more low key existence when and if he’s in town. By Lainey • Jul 31, 2006 08:00 am
Henry Windsor The Daily Hot Harry: Hot Harry plays polo Sweet mother of loin quivering madness…can you get enough of Harry??? Can you get enough of any man who looks like this, who can control a rippling beast between the strong clench of his young iron royal thighs??? And here’s the thing… the Hotness of the Harry is By Lainey • Jul 31, 2006 08:00 am
