Dear Gossips,
Sure, Comic Con starts today (more on that later), but you know what starts tomorrow? The Olympics! Comic Con happens every year, the summer Games only happen once every four years, even though the last summer Olympics were three years ago because of COVID.
Unlike Violeta, I am not a particularly competitive person, but I get sucked into the Olympics, particularly the summer Games, every time they roll around. I just like the chaos of watching people who have dedicated their lives to mastering an increasingly esoteric list of sports give everything they have only to lose by one-one-hundredth of a second. Futility, thy name is fourth place.
And this year there are a few new sports included, such as kayak cross, or as I like to call it, water chaos:
There’s also breakdancing (Olympic dance battles!), kiteboarding (surf insanity), and men’s artistic swimming (wet fancy men), while sports such as surfing, skateboarding, sport climbing, and BMX are returning after debuting at the Tokyo games. I’m on the side of including extreme sports in the Olympics, if only because someday I hope they include ultramarathons. Give me a 24-hour live stream of runners hallucinating in the desert while yakking all the liquid out of their bodies. Let’s go full running chaos.
As someone who grew up riding horses, I always pay close attention to equestrian sports, too. This year, we’re starting off with controversy as star British rider Charlotte Dujardin has withdrawn from competition following the release of a video that shows her whipping a horse while coaching another rider. I wish this was a one-off, but for every person who loves their horse and treats them like a partner in sport, there’s another who sees them as nothing more than a vehicle. Perhaps this can be a turning point for equestrian sports at large to promote better animal welfare, but I have a sneaking suspicion it will be treated as a “one bad apple” incident rather than simply one example of systemic behavior (see also: what happened during Tokyo’s showjumping round in the modern pentathlon event).
And then there are the more classic summer events, such as swimming (wet racing), track (dry racing), and gymnastics (extreme jazzercise) that people develop an intense interest in every four years. Violeta wrote eloquently about Simone Biles and the Netflix series Rising, which depicts Simone’s training for her return to the Olympics. Hers is one of the central narratives already shaping coverage of the Paris Olympics, and at least here in the US, she will undoubtedly be one of our biggest summer stars. Another narrative: the Dutch beach volleyball team including a full-on rapist on their men’s team. Calling it a “disgrace” is putting it mildly. I usually LOVE beach volleyball—everyone is tall! Everyone is hot! It’s a bisexual smorgasbord!—but the presence of a literal convicted child rapist puts a considerable damper on the proceedings this year. Why are you ruining the best eye candy sport?!
Like the Super Bowl, like the World Cup, the Olympics aren’t just a sporting event. They’re entertainment, among the biggest and most universally beloved form of entertainment in the world, that pits nations against each other in (hopefully) friendly competition. The Games are a spectacle as much as they are sport, and every rotation provides its own narratives and storylines. Some repeat—the Olympic Village sexcapades get talked about every year—and some are unique, like Simone Biles’ comeback narrative, but for the next two weeks, the Olympics are the show we’re all watching, and Squawking about, join us.
Live long and gossip,
Sarah
