I assumed I would walk away from my first weekend at the Oscars with some celebrity run-in anecdotes. I figured I would be riding elevators with Lin-Manuel Miranda (and Duana, she saw him first) or casually grabbing breakfast beside Zendaya and Tom Holland. That’s just what happens at the Oscars, right? I did not run into any of those celebs. I did, however, pee beside Elisabeth Moss

She was on the same flight from Toronto to LA with me and my colleagues. After our flight, I saw Elisabeth Moss in the bathroom. We made eye contact after the peeing (or whatever) and the hand-washing and she smiled. She looked great, fresh-faced and just as petite as you would expect. I expected our run-in to end there. I hadn’t even left the airport and I already had my first celeb anecdote! I work with celebrities for a living so don’t ask me why these real-life run-ins still excite me but here we are. My colleague Ken was waiting for his bag so I excitedly rushed over to him to tell him about my encounter. 

Me: I peed beside Elisabeth Moss! 
Ken: Yeah, I saw her on our flight and it took everything in me not to say, “blessed be the fruit.” (If you don’t understand that reference, fix your life and watch Handmaid’s Tale.)
Me: You should have! I totally peed right beside her and then we washed our hands beside each other so I think we’re friends now.

I should note that my ears pop when I’m on flights so my hearing is sh-t when I get off a plane. I was talking EXTRA loud. Ken awkwardly went silent around the second or third time I said “peed.” I looked to Ken’s left and Elisabeth Moss was standing there, waiting for her bag literally three feet from us. Clearly, she heard our entire conversation. At this point, I blacked out from embarrassment and remember nothing. Ken says he apologized and told her we loved her show but I have no way of knowing because I died from humiliation. This is why you should never talk loudly about celebrities at LAX, kids. Important lessons. 

In less pressing Elisabeth Moss news, she made her Oscar debut in support of The Square, wearing a boring but not-bad Dior Haute Couture gown but looked lovely. We’ve been through a lot together so I can call her dress boring without it being mean, guys.