Dear Gossips,

Today is the day I’ve been waiting for all year. Tonight my life will be complete – Celine Dion is playing her second show in Toronto. Apparently last night she casually referenced the Raptors and the place went nuts. The Queen of All Feelings always gives the people what they want. 

What Celine wants is for us to come with all the feelings too. That’s all she’s ever wanted: for us to try to feel as deeply as she does. This, of course, is not possible, but we must make the effort. There is no room for cynicism or coolness at a Celine Dion concert. The more earnest the better. 

So cheer for her. Scream for her. Clap for her. Sing for her. Be loud. Be passionate. And if you do it long enough, if you cheer long enough, she will cry. 

Do you know what happens when the Queen of All Feelings cries? 

A new feeling is born, a feeling that has never been felt before. This new feeling replaces pain. Celine’s tears heal the world. So don’t show up at a Celine show only to be a too-cool motherf-cker. Give yourself over to her. Let that voice carry you away to the place where love comes to those who believe it, and that’s the way it is. 

Tonight I am transformed. 

Yours in gossip,