Welcome back to Reality Recap! It was a weird week in reality TV, but an exciting one nonetheless. With the premiere of Summer House: Martha’s Vineyard, we finally get to see some Black people living it up in Massachusetts (without Simon, what a gift). And while nothing during the premiere was exciting enough to make it into my personal top three moments in the world of reality TV this week, it doesn’t mean there was a shortage of other exciting shit. Let’s get into it!
In third place…
Katie Maloney Made Out With Max Boyens and…WTF?
During this week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, Brock was simultaneously a hero and a bit of a messy bitch for snitching to Tom Schwartz and informing him that his ex-wife, Katie Maloney, hooked up with his best friend and former castmate, Max Boyens (who was fired in 2020 after racist tweets resurfaced. Have we learned nothing, people?). Besides how fascinating the news itself was, it was particularly interesting how sleuths and true detectives Brock and Scheana even pieced it all together.
Scheana, who was not happy with Brock for sharing the news with Tom, considering the state of her relationship with Katie after it came out that she and Tom Schwartz made out while he and Katie were together, revealed that dozens of people share their location with her. After the group hung out one night, she reached out to Max to see if he made it home safely. When he responded with what she calls a “weird emoji”, she checked his location and noticed he was in Katie’s building. And with him not living there and not leaving until the morning, it was clear what had transpired.
As I’ve made clear at literally every opportunity possible, I am of the very unpopular belief that Katie is a sh-tty person who fails to take accountability for the role she played in the demise of her marriage to Tom Schwartz. Also, she’s a bully. It’s not to say he’s a hero by any means (especially after letting it slip that he and Scheana made out years ago). But it is to say that Katie is and has bullied several castmates, including Tom during and after their marriage.
I think Katie has a lot of double standards and expects to be treated with a respect she doesn’t always grant to others, and her hooking up with her ex-husband’s best friend is an example of that. As hurtful as it may be to have received the news about Scheana and Tom making out, the fraternizing in the group should come as no surprise anymore.
In the same way that people are questioning why Ariana didn’t just up and leave the home she shared with Tom Sandoval if she was truly looking to move on from Scandoval, it’s always been a mystery to me that Katie has concerned herself so much with who Tom Schwartz is dating or hooking up with. She was the one who initially told Tom to keep his hookups outside of the friend group after they split, and I think it was not only vindictive but incredibly short-sighted and super hypocritical for her to have hooked up with Max. He’s not even hot FFS.
Robyn Dixon and Candiace Dillard Announce Their Departure from Real Housewives of Potomac
I must have read through hundreds of comments reacting to the news of Robyn’s departure and I am not exaggerating when I say I did not see one single comment expressing sadness over her leaving. It definitely gave unanimous “Bye, Felicia!”
With Annemarie Wiley’s dismissal, which I wrote about here, and the communal celebration that followed, this is now the second week in a row reality fans stand united and aligned in their beliefs about boredom. (Speaking of boredom, did you hear about the beef between boring Teddi Mellencamp who made the mistake of trying to come for Wendy Osefo? Girl, are you okay? Remember you got the axe for putting viewers to sleep better than a lullaby. I’d tread carefully if I were you, honey.)
The exact opposite was the case with Candiace’s announcement, though, which, for the record, is being framed more as a temporary departure rather than a permanent leave. I could’ve sworn I heard distant sobs in the atmosphere as we all wondered who, on that show, could give us what Candiace did.
Despite my ambivalence towards Candiace’s very obvious and extreme disdain for her light-skinned colleagues (and potential babies), I’d be a fool to downplay the value she brought not only to the show but to Housewives culture in general, considering her offscreen contributions taking place on social media and on her iconic Watch What Happens Live appearances.
She could, and often did, read people for absolute filth. She had great storylines between her annoying ass overstepping helicopter parent of a mother, her interracial marriage, navigating step-motherhood, her fertility journey and her music career. So the show will absolutely not be the same without her. I truly wonder who Bravo will bring in to replace these women and look forward to seeing the network navigate this cast shakeup.
And without further adieu, the most exciting reality story of the week (if you are not Scheana, of course)…
Ariana Madix Announced as New Host of Love Island Amid Sarah Hyland’s Departure
When this was announced yesterday, it totally made sense that this week also came the announcement of the $1.6 million home she snagged in Los Angeles, ending her year-long feud with Tom Sandoval over their weird, diabolical living arrangement, which I wrote about here. Talk about a double f-cking whammy!
These talks must have been in the works for a long time. I mean, she first made a cameo on that show months ago, which I mentioned in this piece – and that’s likely when the seed was planted for the Love Island camp that Ariana could have a bright future as host of the show.
This story excites me for a few reasons. The first is because I actually think she’ll be a great host, and you should know by now how much I love to see women succeed after separating from their (often useless) male counterparts. The second reason is because I’m pumped (pun intended) to see how this news is going to affect the VPR cast, most of whom are currently lamenting the fact that they got cheated on for free while Ariana got a BAG.
Scheana’s already admitted to being a Bitter Becky and Self-Involved Sally because Ariana got Dancing With the Stars and not her. Remember, a few episodes ago she revealed she started taking dancing lessons in case she got the call - which made me cackle because what are you training for? The Olympics? Like, pipe down.
But perhaps the other reason it excites me is because I am so curious to see the impact Ariana’s hosting has on the viewership of each show. Love Island and Vanderpump Rules are experiencing an opposite phenomenon when it comes to their respective audiences. Scandoval made VPR a bigger show and increased viewership, like, by a landslide, whereas Love Island is noticing the steep drop off of a million audience members every time a new season premieres.
People may be thinking this is a step up for Ariana, but she might actually be doing Love Island a favour by stepping in, and could be the key to revitalizing it. Contrary to popular belief, not all reality show audiences are created equally, nor do they overlap, and she could bring a swath of new fans over to the villa. We’ll just have to wait and see.
