Dear Gossips,

I wrote yesterday about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle joining the Queen at Windsor Castle on Monday night to celebrate the holidays with the royal household. Apparently champagne was served and everyone drank from champagne flutes. I would love to sip champagne from a champagne flute served in a proper castle. I would also try not to steal the flute afterwards. A few years ago in Cannes, my friends, Lorella and Mio, and I went to a pretty fancy at a fancy house up in the hills. Every passed food item came with a crisp white linen cocktail napkin. Like proper linen! We’re the low classy assholes who started saving the f-cking napkins. Seriously, they were GREAT napkins. We ended up with over 20 of them, in pristine condition, and took them home. 

Anyway, with that mind, the Daily Mail is reporting that Prince William and Catherine attended the Kensington Palace staff party on Wednesday night. (Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were there but left early.) It was held off-site, at a restaurant in Notting Hill that currently doesn’t have a liquor licence. Which is why the event was BYOB. 


I don’t understand. So you can bring in your own alcohol… but the royals didn’t bring in the alcohol for their staff and the staff had to bring their own alcohol? 

I’m sure someone somewhere is going to step in here and defend the royals. Like it was a liability issue or something. Fine. But then, maybe book a different venue that actually has a liquor licence? And remember, I’m saying this as a napkin-stealer. I am a napkin-stealer, which means I’m no f-cking aristocrat, and even I would be embarrassed if my guests had to arrive at a holiday appreciation dinner with a bottle of something tucked into a paper bag shoved into the inside pocket of their coat!

Please let there be a clarification soon, a correction to the story. If I were them, I would not want my name on a story like this. Wait, no. I’m not them, I’m a goddamn napkin-stealer, and I wouldn’t want my name on a story like this! (Although it’s a delicious gossip story and I love it and I’m not sorry it happened.)

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,