Of all the show business idioms we collectively overuse, probably the most annoying is “be careful what you wish for”. Why? Honestly, you’ve been wishing – and beyond that, sweating and grinding and revising when it’s not good enough, so then why do we need to bring insecurity into the mix?
There. That sounded good, right? I almost convinced myself…
I spent the last half of 2023 (and years before that) creating a show called NEAR or FAR – about two Arab-Canadian sisters who find themselves leading separate lives when Lauren Mustafa goes to university, leaving her sister Sadie, and their family and conflicts and bonds – oh, and her ex-boyfriend Jeremy, which I mention for no reason at all – behind. Our show premiered just over a week ago in Canada, and all episodes are available on CBC GEM. Then, just this weekend, our first two episodes dropped on YouTube, available worldwide for a limited time! You can watch them right now!
Getting a show to a greenlight, especially at this time in the entertainment climate, is incredibly privileged – I know that. Not only did I get to write and showrun a show about strong and complicated young women, I even got to *direct* two episodes. By any stretch of the imagination, this is the dream. Period. But even as I was achieving all the things I’d hoped for, I couldn’t shake my doubts.
Because, to build on another showbiz cliché, this show is my most personal work ever. And that terrified me.
We always knew Near or Far was about an immigrant family, while at the same time not about being an immigrant family. Somewhere early in the development process, my producer, Caitlin Brown, encouraged me to have the family in the show reflect my own cultural background, at least partly.
I was elated – I can’t remember a Middle Eastern family being the centre of a show like this (in North America, I should say) – but I was scared about it, too. What if I borrowed from my experiences, and then the show didn’t feel Arab-Canadian enough? What if the stories I wanted to tell – the small ones, about the worlds that exist only between siblings – weren’t significant enough? What if my lack of Arabic made me a poser? And in the most 3 AM moments, sing it with me… “What if nobody cares?”
I knowwwww. I know!!
I’d be the first one to shout down someone else saying this because I want to see ALL the stories! The show isn’t autobiographical – it’s fiction, about sisters who might have come from a family like mine. But still, I worried (which kills me) and we do this, all of us! We look at things that actually happened to us and go, “Yeah, but is that *realistic*?”
I could go on about the number of times BIPOC creators or women or people with disabilities were told their stories wouldn’t resonate with a “larger audience”. We know it’s not true, and these days, fewer people swallow the garbage. I’m sorry to admit that sometimes, I believed it… just a little. Just enough. (Lainey yelled at me. A lot.)
Luckily I was saved by yet another showbiz cliché: it’s really, really all about the cast and crew. The team that made this show was full of and fueled by immigrant stories. Some just like my family’s, and lots that were long ago or far more recent. We had so many mixed heritages and journeys with more than one crucially significant place or time. They all wound up here telling this story together – not because NEAR or FAR speaks for everyone’s experience, but because everyone is constantly telling their own story through their work, creative or otherwise.
…Oh, and did I mention our cast is super talented, and hot, and fun? And there are enough hot/romantic/squee scenes to get even Lainey’s stamp of approval?
I hope you LOVE the show – about inconvenient loves and unavoidable truths, exploring your LGBTQ+ identity inside and outside your family, and figuring out how to give yourself the same amount of oxygen and understanding you give everyone else.
Episodes 3 and 4 drop (outside of Canada – we’ve already got ‘em all!) on April 13th and 14th, including my first as director! Maybe if Lainey agrees, I can Show My Work on how that went down. Until then, indulge your inner teen – and tell us what you think!
