I am obsessed with the stories coming from the set of The Bachelorette.
I have never watched the show, mostly because you can glean the context of every episode by osmosis, but I am damn well going to watch this season, when and if it ever makes it to air. Because the stories coming out of the show’s production seem a lot less ‘reality show drama’ and a lot more like someone’s actually pulling a Truman Show on the show’s producers, and I am here for every second of it. Not since Season 25: Oprah Behind The Scenes have I been so obsessed with the work lives of producers whose names I will never know, and am not supposed to. Here’s why:
So, back in March, it was announced that Clare Crawley, who had been a competitor(?) for The Bachelor in a 2014 season would be this season’s Bachelorette. Just days after that announcement, the whole season was shut down because of COVID-19, like every other production. Unlike every other production, though, what happened in the off-season had giant ramifications.
First Variety reported that filming would resume at a resort in Southern California where everyone would be quarantined/sequestered etc. Fine.
Except not, because apparently Clare Crawley fell in love with one of the contestants, model/podcaster Dale Moss, in the accidental off-season, and didn’t want to lead anyone on by participating in the show! This is the one worst thing that could happen, and it’s even more ironic because if it had happened when the cameras were rolling, as opposed to during the downtime (via text?), it would have been gold.
So, okay. The producers swear a lot, drink a lot of brown liquor, and pivot, because that’s what we do. A new Bachelorette is announced: Tayshia Adams, from the Colton Underwood season in 2019. Fine.
Except that there’s MORE. So Clare Crawley is 39, and I gather dismissed some Bachelors for being too young – but now that the Bachelorette is Tayshia, who’s only 29, they were brought back. Your head is spinning, poor young producer! You’re drowning in headshots and dudes named Cory/Cody/Casey. You’ve never drunk so much and still woken up with screaming nightmares. I know.
AND YET THERE’S MORE:
As reported Friday at Refinery29, a Bachelor insider/whistleblower(?) on Twitter called @thatsuitcaseguy revealed – with photo proof to boot – that because producers weren’t happy with the footage they got from the cocktail party (that they screened, while weeping, at 5 in the morning while still drinking – my editorial only, obviously), they decided to bring in two OTHER former Bachelorettes, and this year there will be three women deciding which men stay around…
It's messy as hell, and I am interested for the first time because while I get that this is supposed to be a show about the cracks in romantic relationships, I am so incredibly here for the cracks in a production, and I hope to the highest of higher powers that we get to see, or at least intuit, this onscreen.
And if some of this – any of it – is viewer bait, it is working, though I doubt they had ‘smirky producers who think they’ve seen it all’ as a targeted demographic.
Bachelor(ette) Nationals, I humbly submit my application to join you for one season only, because I want to watch this frame by frame, looking for the real-life version of Rachel from UnREAL cursing and praying in the edge of frame somewhere, and then I want to read the tell-all book about what happened behind the scenes that will inevitably sell for 8 figures, and I really want all you Bachelor-virgins like myself to get on board this banana boat with me, okay?
