Intro for April 9. 2019

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2019 13:28:38 April 9, 2019 13:28:38

Dear Gossips,

Yesterday in What Else? I linked to an article about Thandie Newton and how she said that every woman should try a good vibrator at least once – agree, but I also added that we also need recommendations, like not a website with a list of products but actual user testimonials. Encouraging and celebrating women’s pleasure is healthy and it’s feminist. As journalist and culture critic Ellen Willis explained in an essay in The Village Voice in 1981, a woman’s sexual freedom isn’t “about fending off men’s sexuality but being able to embrace your own”. Last year, her daughter, Nona Willis Aronowitz shared a note that her mother had written to her when she was working on her own thesis: ““Feminism is a vision of active freedom, of fulfilled desires, or it is nothing.”

So then my inbox became vibrator central. I am not complaining. There was something beautiful about all those vibrators popping up in between the messages from Meghan Markle haters or just straight up me haters. I wonder what Google now thinks of my inbox and whether or not something changed in my algorithm yesterday from the vibrator surge. 

Since my point about the whole vibrator thing was information exchange, I’ll now share with you some of the tactile recommendations I’ve received.

The “Lelo” seems pretty popular among you and, as I requested, it’s silent. A few of you noted that it doesn’t get cold. When I checked the website yesterday they apparently have a vibrator that moves to the beat of your music… or someone’s voice – WHAT?! If you have one of these, please, I need details. Also, if they can make this happen, is there a vibrator that comes with speakers? Like you can press a button and a voice starts dirty-talking to you? Now I’m trying to come up with a list of actors who could do these voice-overs. 

Next up was the “Womaniser”, not silent but its fans are pretty devoted because it has, like, a cave that lovingly embraces your clit. One reader shared with me that she’s told everyone she knows and even strangers about this thing because this is a gift that everyone should experience.

And then there were the one-offs, like the “Satisfyer”. The person who recommended it told me that my body would be thanking me forever. Why can’t I get past that “y” in “Satisfyer”? That’s the new job that I want: I want to be the person who names vibrators. Duana is already jealous. 

Is it totally weird that I really want to go through airport security with a vibrator? Because I would be ready, so f-cking ready. I’ve played it out in my mind so many times. When they pull it out all, “ma’am, what is this?”, I would answer, with full confidence, no embarrassment, looking them directly in the eye, and claim my vibrator with pride. “That’s Gloria, my vibrator! Don’t worry her batteries have been taken out.” 

If you have any airport security vibrator stories, please share them. For some reason, this has become my kink. 

Yours in gossip,

Lainey  
 

Photos:
WENN

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