Assy Style Still singing, still Porny The other day I reported on information from sources that Jessica Simpson had fired her band and was scrapping the tour. Gossip is a speculative business - every once in a while, there’s a bad tip. I’m sorry about that. But I’m not sorry about the fact By Lainey • Feb 26, 2009 09:22 am
Famewhores Vagina Virgin style Please explain this to me. I realise it’s been a long time since I was 20. Even though it feels like it was just last week, I know that 20 is far, far away. But still… It’s not that far away. I’d like to think some things By Lainey • Feb 25, 2009 03:45 am
Assy Style Oscar Worst Dressed: Reese Witherspoon Topping the Worst Dressed is almost an art. It’s too easy to name Jessica Biel the worst dressed. You expect it. What’s the challenge? But Reese Witherspoon… You don’t expect it from Reese Witherspoon. You don’t go into the Oscars thinking Reese Witherspoon will suck it By Lainey • Feb 24, 2009 02:21 am
Assy Style Oscar napkin or towel? I say napkin. Like a napkin tucked in during a meal. But some of you are saying towel, a towel hanging on a bar in your bathroom. Whatever the case… It’s balls! And it’s f-cking amazing! When we saw this on the pool feed, I almost twisted my By Lainey • Feb 23, 2009 09:09 am
Assy Style Worst Oscar Hair: Alicia Keys This hurts me. Very badly. Because I love her. She is perfect. She is kind and smart and she purrs. Michelle says she purrs when she talks. She can purr in my ear all day. Of course she’s sooooo beautiful too. But the hair, the hair is so obviously By Lainey • Feb 23, 2009 03:18 am
Assy Style Oscar LipGloss and borrowed prunes: Zac Efron & VH MK Olsen, having no use for them anymore after the Spirit Awards, loaned her prunes to Vanessa Hudgens last night who gave them a very good workout, in between moments when she wasn’t scowling about her dress. Bitch, if you can’t control the dress, don’t f-ckin’ wear By Lainey • Feb 23, 2009 02:12 am
Assy Style Worst Oscar Couple: SJP & Matthew Broderick He was BORED. He looked bored from the moment they arrived, he looked bored up and down the carpet, he looked bored at Vanity Fair, he looked bored because he wasn’t doing what HE wanted. This photo of them touching noses – the man is straight up queasy at the By Lainey • Feb 23, 2009 01:58 am
Assy Style Worst Oscar Red: Amanda Seyfried You know I love her. And her hair in Mamma Mia was my hair inspiration last night. Amanda Seyfried is definitely a “next”. Most of Meryl’s girls are: Emily Blunt, Amy Adams, Anne Hathaway, Amanda Seyfriend… only Lindsay Lohan managed to f-ck it up. But Amanda, for her first By Lainey • Feb 23, 2009 01:11 am
Assy Style Worst Oscar Ming Vase: Beyonce She’s killing that song for me. Is she killing it for you? Suddenly At Last has become Beyonce’s signature song. Suddenly At Last is getting removed from my iPod. First though, let’s start with the carpet dress. The carpet dress was the ass. The carpet dress blinded By Lainey • Feb 23, 2009 12:04 am
Assy Style Oscar cheap tacky TV: Melissa George Another case of who-invited-you-and-what-is-your-name. I don’t know…apparently she’s on Grey’s Anatomy now? Yes, this is a television show. So how did Melissa George score a ticket? Oh right. Disney. ABC. Grey’s. Ugh. It was embarrassing watching her. Embarrassing looking at her dress. Especially the back By Lainey • Feb 22, 2009 11:30 pm
Assy Style Sateen jumpsuit and bad eyeliner Maggie Grace last night at the Global Green pre-Oscar party – what a f-cking mess. Sateen + Jumpsuit = HORROR Then the winged liquid liner, at least that’s what it looks like. Should be illegal. This is something I am particularly sensitive about. Because as an Asian, so many old school makeup By Lainey • Feb 20, 2009 03:49 am
Assy Style Celebrity Dumbass: Debra Messing Last night at the Costume Designer’s Guild Awards in Beverly Hills. She’s wearing a f-cking tiara! A TIARA! Sure, it’s the Costume Designer’s Guild. But it’s also Debra Messing. Who the hell are you? Well, actually, she’s fresh out of work. The Starter Wife By Lainey • Feb 18, 2009 07:42 am
Assy Style Spittle on the runway Gerard Butler has been enjoying the sights and sounds of NY Fashion Week and, well, not even his friendship with Anna Wintour can help with his icky cheese. Like please make him stop. Here he is arriving at Bryant Park with a guest last week and also last night at By Lainey • Feb 17, 2009 02:30 am
Assy Style Noooooooooooooooo… One step forward, five steps back. Oh Porny. Don’t you have a mirror? On Friday night, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo took her tits out for dinner at the Waverly Inn. She looks like she can barely walk. She looks like she can barely breathe! Apparently the sight of By Lainey • Feb 16, 2009 02:50 am
Assy Style Porny & the Dukes! She makes me so happy. No matter what the reason, most of us can agree…Jessica Simpson makes us smile. It doesn’t have to be a “with her” smile. It can be an “at her” smile. Most of the time it’s a “what the f-ck are you doing By Lainey • Feb 10, 2009 04:47 am
Assy Style Would you? SJP looked all business yesterday out and about in New York. She’s also working out a new boot. Camel toe boot? More comfortable? Not sure. Never tried. But to me it looks ugly. F-cking ugly. Like a hoof. Why would I want my foot to look like a hoof? By Lainey • Feb 10, 2009 02:32 am
