Famewhores Brange sateen It’s the Brange on the red carpet in Tokyo for the Benjamin Button premiere electrifying the Hello Kitties, continuing to work it, work it, work it. As mentioned earlier, Slumdog is under attack. And Brad’s film is not. The Los Angeles Times after the SAGs on Sunday even By Lainey • Jan 29, 2009 01:34 am
Twats Size 2 is everywhere This Simpson business… As you know, these photos have made headlines everywhere. Like if the Brange hadn’t come along to show off the family in Tokyo, Jessica's pictures would have been the top story all week long. But no one beats the Brange. For the record, in By Lainey • Jan 28, 2009 08:15 am
Jock Smut The First Couple of Fail There is no hate-on for Porny. Quite the opposite actually. Over time, my black ass heart has opened for Jessica Simpson out of sheer pity. She doesn’t mean unwell. She’s not poorly intentioned. But she was raised, well, you know, by a dude who freely talks about her By Lainey • Jan 27, 2009 06:45 am
Assy Style Even her As repeated too many times, my friend Michelle has a thing about sateen. It makes her crazy. Michelle is a tv producer. Sateen looks terrible on television and in photographs. So unflattering. Lumps where there are no lumps. Even Victoria Beckham. Here’s Posh arriving at LAX yesterday surprisingly underdressed By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 05:38 am
Assy Style Porny Happy New Year! You know the photo. The Classic Jessica Simpson High Waisted Photo. It made our lives. It continues to make our lives. On a rainy day. If work is the sh-ts. If your mother won’t get off your ass about sending her to Vegas for her birthday… There’s Porny By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 03:15 am
Assy Style SAG Worst: Eva Longoria What is the point of Eva Longoria? What is the reason for Eva Longoria? Is there a reason for Eva Longoria? I don’t understand. Like, this dress. This dress, the colour, this colour is for food. Some food colours don’t belong on a dress. This food colour doesn’ By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 02:59 am
Assy Style SAG Prom: Freida Pinto Please. Find her a stylist. Or sack the existing one. It’s a crime this girl, as gorgeous as she is, cannot live up to her true potential on a big night. Because at every major carpet this season, Freida Pinto is wearing a prom dress. SAG was no exception. By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:40 am
Assy Style Worst SAG White: Teri Hatcher Desperate Housewives is still bringing big ratings. This explains why they’re still invited. But really…it’s not 2004 anymore. People may care about the show, but no one cares about the actors. So far all intents and purposes, it’s like they’re CSI, you know what I By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:26 am
Assy Style Worst SAG neutral: American Ferrera Washed her out. Badly. She has such beautiful skin. Normally it pops. The taupe stopped the pop. The taupe killed the pop. Duana took issue with the chest area. The way the tulle is pinned - it’s a mess. And look closely. See if you can zoom in to By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:15 am
Assy Style SAG Disappointing: Emily Blunt That’s a sick body. But that is also a low classy looking dress. And it breaks my heart. Because as you know, Emily Blunt is a favourite. But this…this is budget. When the seam that splits from her breasts does not travel a straight line down, all the By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 12:54 am
Assy Style Will’s worst pants This is the first time in a long time that Will Smith hasn’t looked great in clothes. Like, those pants. Those pants are ass. They’re not hanging right. They hanging like he’s wearing longjohns underneath. They actually fit like Tom’s pants used to. Before he lost By Lainey • Jan 14, 2009 11:12 am
BFFs Always with mom That asstalking ingrate Katherine Heigl was not at the Globes on Sunday. Unlike previous years, Grey’s was not represented at the show because, well, it sucks. The second half of 2008 was very, very quiet for Heigl. After shooting off her mouth about her writers’ undeserving plotline, she smartly By Lainey • Jan 13, 2009 02:17 am
Assy Style Globes Worst: Megan Fox A major event red carpet can be a great equaliser. Without the false hype generated by a calculated single-focus strategy on behalf of one star, awards shows like the Globes separate the top from the bottom. The true celebrities from the pretenders. And this is Megan Fox. On a night By Lainey • Jan 12, 2009 05:52 am
Assy Style Globes Rossum: Anne Hathaway Could be the lingering effects of that insipid acceptance speech last week at Critics’ Choice when Angie gave her the death stare, could be the way she was fluttering around like a debutante at the ball last night when it’s not her first time, could be this dress… Grace By Lainey • Jan 12, 2009 04:18 am
Famewhores Globes Best Goldwhore: Jennifer Lopez This is what we live for. Attention whores and red carpet spotlight grabs. These are the moves that define smut, that shape good gossip, and once upon a time, Jennifer Lopez was our queen. Then she married Marc Anthony and he shut her away in his oppressive vampire castle. But By Lainey • Jan 12, 2009 04:06 am
Assy Style Globes Worst Makeup: Drew Barrymore She was a hot mess last night. In every sense. So it’s a testament to her beauty that she did not look ugly. But that dress was a cheap disaster. And the grey eye shadow, oh la. Too much, too obvious, too desperate. Grey Gardens. We get it. The By Lainey • Jan 12, 2009 03:47 am
